The Story That Didn't Want To Be Written | Spencer Reid x Reader

Until You Feel Safe

Warnings: Descriptions of sexual assault, conversations surrounding sexual assault and sexual activity, conversations about sexual activities, mention of scars. 

"Hotch it's been two weeks!" You were trying to keep a level head with your boss. You respected Hotch a great deal, especially his uncanny ability to keep a level head in stressful scenarios, like after four of his agents were kidnaped and the perpetrators were still roaming around the world who knows where.

That didn't make it any less annoying when he refused to let you and Spencer return to the office, even after two weeks of being cooped up in an apartment with the occasional trip to get food- and even then you saw the agents on your security detail following not far behind, causing you and Spencer to roll your eyes with how blatantly obvious they were making their presence.

"I know, and we are doing everything we can to catch them, but as I have told you before Y/L/N, we can not be distracted by worrying about you and Spencer being back in the field." His voice was stern, but he wasn't angry with you- his 'I'm pissed off' voice was distinctly different.

"Sir, you know that I'm not even able to go back into the field yet, just let us help you narrow down the profile; we don't have to leave the BAU if it'll worry the team too much." You were pleading, but your voice remained strong. You just needed to help the team put these sons of bitches behind bars so you could put all this behind you.

You met Spencer's gaze, he was tense, but that was to be expected- he hated challenging Hotch and usually avoided it at all costs. You had both wanted to be on the phone with Hotch, figuring maybe it would give you a better chance of persuading him.

It did no such thing.

"Y/L/N" Hotch warned. You were slowly slipping out of patient Hotch territory. "They already got into the BAU. We know they are capable of breaking into our building, this is not the safest place for you- this was an inside job so as far as the rest of the FBI is concerned, you are on your deathbed in the hospital. You may not come back to work, is that understood?"

There it was, you had officially been reintroduced to pissed off Hotch. You shook your head in understanding before you realized Hotch couldn't see you.

"Yes sir." you responded, sounding a little more defeated than you'd intended but it was nothing that warranted him addressing it. "Let us know if we can help at all from here." Spencer added just before Hotch was about to hang up.

"Just please work on recovering please, besides just physically. What you two went through was traumatic and it takes more than time, you know that." He was speaking quieter now, like somehow that would mean his words held less weight. You curled your lips into a thin line in acknowledgement that you knew what he was saying was true- you needed to work a few things out before you were ready to return full time. It was silent for a moment before Spencer gained the ability to speak again,

"Of course sir, thank you." he was able to choke out with enough composure your boss didn't press any further. You exchanged almost painfully brief goodbyes before the line went dead and left you and Spencer standing still for a few moments longer. Your hands didn't ease up on his coffee table, you'd been gripping the edge of the wood since Hotch had answered the phone. Shutting your eyes, you exhaled deeply out of some combination of frustration and defeat. The worst part about that phone call is that you couldn't even argue with Hotch, because you knew he was right.

"Hey" you heard Spencer's voice from beside you. He had straightened out and was standing a little closer to you, his eyes looking deep into yours with that same compassion and understanding that had drawn you to him the first time you two ever met. Granted, it didn't quite have as powerful of an effect on you then because you didn't yet know just how much you two had in common, but now it was like his eyes alone communicated with you wordlessly every time you needed him.