FAN ACCOUNT | 𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙞

𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋 | 5

One should never be forced to choose between passion and love. It's like choosing between pizza and pizza.

- Choi San, Vlive 200823

♫♪.ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı.♫♪

The first thought that entered San's mind when Mingi entered the studio was: I'm jealous. Not because of his talent, not because of his drop-dead visuals, not because of his personality, but because of the glimmer in his eyes. That same glimmer that's been missing in his own ever since he started his day, which, by the way, has gone wrong in all ways possible.

Ever since Mingi entered the room, San noticed the obvious change in the rapper's aura. The Mingi he knew, one who seemed happy but was deeply, truly exhausted inside, looked reborn, and the more he stared, the more he pinpointed the emotion radiating at an incredible speed: happiness. Though San wasn't as close to Mingi as one initially believed, he still considered him one of his good friends, and him noticing the change of behavior from the younger wasn't that difficult. Not when they see each other every day.

It's been a very long time since he last saw Mingi act like this, like the sun itself had blessed his peace of mind and taken all of the heavy burden off his shoulders. The last time it had happened was a few months ago, when Mingi and San dropped a collaboration that received a ton of attention from their country and, to their luck, the whole world. Answer became a loved hit, and to celebrate, the two boys (and Seonghwa and Hongjoong, or else the two oldest would have beaten their asses for not inviting them) went out for drinks. It was a night full of laughter and comfort, letting go of all of their accumulated stress and allowing themselves to enjoy the precious moments. San softly grinned at the memory.

It was then and there when San and Mingi grew closer, because even though the collaboration had helped them strengthen their friendship, it still had a few holes to fill. But after that night, that awkwardness lifted, and now they're really good friends. Extremely good friends. San had always wondered what it was like to have a brother, and now he had one, even if it was a brother from another mother.

Still though, even if they're good friends, he wouldn't label themselves as the "bestest of all time". They never messaged each other, barely called each other to talk; but when they met up in person, there was no stopping the two from blabbering the afternoon away. Mingi knew some of San's most guarded secrets, while San listened to Mingi's darkest worries. The older was genuinely grateful to have met the rapper, or else he would've lost his mind wandering the huge, lonely maze that shapes the K-Pop world. He couldn't forget his fans, of course. His beautiful woods that, together, formed a forest that resided in his heart. He'd always and forever be grateful to have such amazing people support him.

However, no matter how much he tried to express joy, he still had his days. He was human, just like everybody else, and being human meant that happiness doesn't accompany you all the time. He'd wanted to go to Mingi, maybe try to have some of that happiness infect him like a contagious virus, and talk his worries away. He'd wanted to express his troubles to his precious beautiful woods to receive some much-needed motivation. But there's one problem: he sucked at it. So he opted for the next best thing: act as if he's okay and hope for someone to notice his erratic behavior. If all odds were in his favor, Mingi would notice, but there's still the possibility that Seonghwa could ask him first, and though he liked the manager —he really did— Seonghwa still spooked him.

With that thought in mind, his eyes lingered to Mingi, who seemed to be waiting for the radio show to begin. The two had already exchanged greetings when they arrived at the studio, exchanging small talk while they had their makeup done, playing games while the microphones were being set up, and talking some more while they settled down at the table. And during all those things, the shine in Mingi's eyes never vanished, instead intensifying every time he laughed. San, on the other hand? He felt undeniably guilty for being jealous. Jealous, out of all things. What was he even jealous about? Having a rough day? Not being happy? He abstained from beating himself up.