FAN ACCOUNT | 𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙞

𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 | 16

There's a thin line between the love you feel for an idol and the love you feel for a person. But right now, I'm deeply questioning its existence.

- Song Mingi, conversation with Choi San

♫♪.ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı.♫♪

Mingi wasn't calm. At all. Not in the slightest.

The moment Yunho left the room —San had been kind enough to provide the reason why— the rapper immediately relaxed, unclenching his tensed muscles to rest on the hospital bed completely, and he exhaled a long, deep, exhausted breath that cooled him down. The conversation had drained him more than expected, for it took his entire will and energy to maintain a careless image in front of his idol. It's a miracle he abstained from squealing, yelping, or exposing any sign of systematic overheating of his brain. Because though Yunho asked him about his boldness, the answer he had provided was bullshit. He had told the truth, but the real reason behind his daring approaches was because if he didn't do it, he's sure Yunho wouldn't have either. Their game would've continued, and Mingi would be lying if he said he'd like to keep playing.

Mingi's greedy, selfish, and egoistic. He had wanted, wanted, wants, and will want Yunho until he had him in his arms, all to himself. He didn't care about the public's reaction, he didn't care about the press, he didn't care about the company; all he cared about was his own happiness, and apparently, his only shot at love.

Mingi shivered. Love. Is this how it felt like? He has never fallen in love, nor does he have the slightest idea of what it felt like. Hongjoong described the emotion as "your soul intertwining with another", whatever that meant. And when he asked Seonghwa —a traumatizing experience— all he got was that love is a "unique feeling that twists your insides intensely until you do everything in your power to make the other person happy". Mingi had to get over his shock of his hyung's compliance before attempting to comprehend his words.

But... love. He knew he loved Yunho. He's a Yunhopower. Of course he loves him. Yunho's been there for him in intangible ways, ways his friends couldn't. Yunho made him happy, Yunho inspired him, Yunho helped him, and Yunho... Yunho confused him. Damn it. Nobody warned him about love's complications. Nobody bothered to tell him the confusion he'd face once he faced the emotion head-on. Did he love Yunho? His friends say yes. But did he love love Yunho? That's where he's unsure. Because he loved him as an idol, but as a person?

Of course I do, Mingi thought.

Biting his lip, Mingi reminisced. Yunho likes puppies. Yunho loves dancing. Yunho's smile lightens up a room the moment he enters. Yunho's voice is candy. Yunho's donated to countless organizations and orphanages. Yunho uses his platform to promote social issues. Yunho never backs down from a challenge. Yunho's competitive nature and undying efforts earned him the fame he has today. Yunho adores his friends and puts them before anything else. And Yunho... he's fallen in love, and though his heart got broken by his past significant other, he still smiled afterwards. Though his dreams have been challenged more frequently than not, he still persevered. Though he received hate, he still shone. And if that isn't strength, Mingi didn't know what was.

Mingi was sure perfection didn't exist, but whenever he thought of Yunho, perfection didn't seem impossible. And the more he thought, the more his heart soared. If the heart monitor would've been connected, it would've been beeping so much that the nurses would've come running in to check the stability, only to find him lying in a puddle of his own feelings, wearing a bright red coat on his cheeks.

Oh god. Oh god no.

"This is what love is, isn't it," Mingi whispered, astounded. He chuckled disbelievingly, his unfocused eyes glued on the wall in front of him. The words coming out of his mouth were more statements than questions. "I'm fucking doomed, aren't I."