I cant fucking take them anymore. Tell Nina I'm sorry. Tell Luke he'll be okay. Make sure Ashton knows I'm sorry he couldnt help. Give Calum a hug. I just cant do it anymore, I'm done.
I had read the letter over and over again, tucked away in the dark of my room, mascara streaks running down my cheeks. Michael had been dead now for 2 days, the funeral was tomorrow. I had come home after the wake today not wanting to be alone, so Luke came home with me. We couldnt get Calum to leave Michael's casket. He was just standing there, tears silently rolling down his cheeks, staring at Michaels closed eyes and pale face. I tried not to glance at his wrists too often. Ashton didnt even go.
"Nina, you gotta stop doing this to yourself sweetie." Luke says, taking the letter from my hands and sitting down across from me.
"I just keep going through it in my head trying to think of what i missed. Luke, he is-was- my best friend. I mean, I knew he was having issues but I didnt know they were enough for him to-" the lump in my throat becomes too big for me to continue and, try as I may, I cant help from falling apart again. Luke gathers me up in his arms and drapes his suit jacket around me, cooing words of comfort to me.
"Luke- I-miss-him-so-much." I choke out between sobs. He pats my hair and rubs my back, just like he did when we were kids and I would get upset.
"I know, Nina. I miss him too. Its okay sweetie, you're okay. Just breathe, I'm right here."
The words of Michael's letter run through my brain. They grab me and dont let go.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I just cant do it anymore.
I'm done.
