When I wake up on the morning of the funeral, Luke has already gone. He left a note for me telling me he would be back to pick me up and to get ready. I drag myself into the shower and dry my dark brown hair straight, pulling it half up and pinning a black bow in the back. I haphazardly put on some makeup and try my best to conceal the dark circles under my eyes. Just as I finish putting on my plain black dress, Luke knocks on the door. Its time to go.
He shuffles me out the door and into the car and we drive in silence. As we pull into the parking lot of the cemetery, I see Calum standing by his car. I practically jump out of the car and run to his outstreached arms. His eyes are all puffy and bloodshot, he's been crying. Who can blame him, really.
"You okay?" I ask, still wrapped in his arms.
"As okay as I can be." he says. I pull away and take a shuddery breath. Luke comes up behind me and places a hand on my shoulder.
"You guys ready?" he asks quietly
"What? To put our best friend in the ground? Yeah, I'm thrilled." I snap at him. I dont mean to, it just kind of comes out. Calum senses my social boo boo and changes the subect.
"Wheres Ashton?" He asks. Just as he does, a friend of ours named Alice passes.
"Ashton wont leave his room. I tried to get him to come, but he wouldnt move, or even talk. He was just, like, staring at a wall like I wasnt even there." She says.
"Jesus..." Luke mumbles under his breath.
"How you feeling, Alice?" I ask her, pulling her into a hug.
"Its just really weird, you know? I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it."
"Yeah. You think we should head over?"
"Probably." Luke says.
"You guys go, I'll catch up." I say. Calum puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me a look that says you okay? I smile weakly in return. As they walk away, I look up to the gloomy clouds and sigh. It almost seems cliche, like someone planned the gray skies and dark clouds just for this day. I take a deep breath and gather myself enough to follow my friends through the gates of the cemetary.
The funeral service is short, no one really wants to drag it on any longer than we need to. His mom starts her euligy and his dad has to finish, the poor woman fell apart right in the middle of it. I try not to talk to anyone. Or even look at them. The closed casket being lowered into the ground is enough to send me into horrible sobs. Calum is next to me and puts his arm around me. He whispers in my ear.
"Shh Nina, its okay. you're gonna give yourself a panic attack sweetie. Just beathe. Count to 10 and breathe."
We all put flowers on the grave. Michael's headstone reads perfectly.
Michael Gordon Clifford
November 20th, 1995- October 3rd, 2014
Beloved son, friend, and musician
To the moon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Calum drives me home in silence. He just holds my hand and lets me squeeze it as hard as I want. He practically carries me up to my room and I cant even find the strength to go sit down. I just stand there, staring at him for a moment. His arms wrap around me and rubs my back. The worst part is, I cant even cry anymore.
