A Letter To My Lost Lover // DNF

The Letter

Dear Clay,
If you were right here in front of me, I would ask how your day was and how you've been since I last saw you. You would tell me that it was good and explain how Patches being Patches doing the most stupid thing. I would laugh and you would crack jokes, I miss those days. I always do. I miss you.

I remember when we first talked, how awkward our first interaction was. You were very patient with me when you were teaching me how to code, I was a very bad coder when I first met you. But thanks to you I'm now able to code, without you I would haven't gotten out of my hell of a job.

We've gotten closer ever since you taught me had to code and that's when I started to question everything about myself, mostly my sexuality and my feelings towards you. You helped me figure that out when you asked me out for dinner, and I remember how nervous you've gotten.

You made sure that everything was perfect, you were very tense and I remember you made so many mistakes at dinner. But at the end of the night we were having the time of our lives. We eventually went on our 3rd then our 5th date, we hung out, we went on dates, and just being the couples we always imagined.

We eventually started to talk about how we should move in together, and how our lives will be in the future together. Everything seemed to be going perfect for us.

But when we moved in together, you changed. You were different. You were less happy, and you weren't the happy guy I knew and love. You closed me out like you never loved me before. We fought more often and it always ended with us not talking for the rest of the day, then we apologize at the end of the night.

It was a viscous cycle that never stopped and I was tired of it, so I left, I left you. We both agreed to have some space between us but in reality I know you needed me there. That's what I regret most, leaving you.

I was gone for a few weeks and when I came back you weren't okay, you looked sick and sad it made my heart break. I remember us talking about it and crying while holding each other. I promised I wouldn't leave you.

I remember that night, that terrible, terrible night. I ran over to you and you were crying and I asked what's wrong and found a empty pill bottle, you told me not to call anyone but i had too, I couldn't loose you. I just couldn't.

You were in the ER and I remember sitting in the chair while holding your hand, you kept telling me you were sorry and I kept saying that you shouldn't be. My heart was breaking when I started to see your breathing slow down. Then the line went flat, I tried to get a doctor or nurse to help you, but it was too late.

I lost you.

I'm never going to be over you, I miss you so much love and I'll never ever forget our memories together and I will always love you and never forget you.