My Life in Hell

chapter 3

So I lived with my grandparents for a while after th at. I had fun I was spoiled rotten for those few year I'm sure. I know I was in pre-k and kinder while I lived there. I just don't have anything coherent to share of th use days.

Mom spent that time getting her second divorce and being stalked by the man. I was told this by all my family members later in life. We moved back in with mom after kindergarten was over. We still had fun and mom was kind and sweet and just a mom.

After we came home to mom we visited our grandparents on weekends and summers. Normal stuff right? Right, somewhere around the time I turned six mom got a new boyfriend. His name was Clarence Worthington. For a while we all lived happily and normal.

It was around then I broke my arm from rollerblades. My brother and I had just gotten them and we just had to try them out. So it was our first time using them and mom was there it was a Sunday. So we had to go home we knew it. Well I was still skating when grams called me and I lost balance. I was going to auto fall on my butt, well like a dodo I put my arm back to catch myself.

Suprise, suprise that stunt broke my arm. No one knew that till the next morning. My arm wasn't able to move at all. So ER I went, got all the x-rays and tests done. Then got to my suprise my second cast.

Mom told me that day how I broke my arm at 3. Apparently at my grandparents my brother and I had been playing 'king of the mountain'. If you don't know the game ask your parents. Well my brother pushed me off the "tower" of frozen food and I landed on my elbow wrong. It broke for the first time then.

Needless to say I laughed my butt off hearing that. It was funny to me honestly. It took my mind off the pain from the cast being applied to my arm that's for sure. Next day was school and normal stuff for a six year old. About a week after my cast had been removed.

So about seven weeks later my moms boyfriend took me out shopping. This was a late shopping trip getting last minute stuff from Albertsons. If you know the store cool, if not Google folks. We parked at the side of the store near the closed bratwurst stand. It was dark and that was normal for him to park there.

What wasn't normal was after we finished shopping he stood in my door and had me pull my thights and panties off. He had me sitting in the passenger seat facing the open car door and started kissing my girl parts.

No lie even at six that wasn't a bad feeling. It was strange I was confused greatly but it didn't hurt. Now adults can agree to the sensitivity and 'good feeling' from that. I should have told my mother right away after we got home but stupid me I didn't.

Things only escalated from there. He continued his late night shopping trips and one weekend that wasn't enough. We drove one afternoon out to this lot. It was set out like a chessboard thing. People used it to dump garbage illegally. There was a set of train tracks that ran through there.

He parked off in a distance and because everyone out there was doing something illegal no one paid us much attention. So this time the man had me pull my jeans to my ankles panties too. He again "kissed' my girl parts. When he had finished he told my to bent over the seat.

So I stuck my butt out the door not too far on my knees kinda. Then I felt pain, that pain made my body tense up. He told me to relax but that was hard as heck to do when my butt hurt that bad. I was crying begging him to stop that it hurt, he didn't. That first time he penetrated me, I made a new friend.

I have to admit this will make me sound insane. I don't need a padded room ok people. But my mind broke that day. I know my friend is there in my head. I'ma be honest her name is Cosmicea, its pronounced (cos-me-sha). She got very mad I said her name wrong that first time we met. She offered that day to help me, I was six and hurting, she offered to make it stop.

So I let her, she put me to sleep inside my own body somehow and she lived that pain for me. Everytime he hurt my butt she made sure I never felt it or remember it. I mean I know it happened I just don't have those memories she does. For those of you wondering yes she's still here.

One night after my seventh birthday in the Albertsons parking lot he asked me to put his boy parts in my mouth. He said it would be like me doing the stuff he did but to him. I said no and stuck to it. So he drove us home. After everyone was in bed he snuck to my room.

I thought he was going to hurt my butt again so Cosy, as I nicknamed her, put me to sleep. She has given me back that night so I can tell you he didn't hurt my butt that night. What he did do was put a knife at my spine.

Told me that if I ever told him no again my baby brother and unborn sister would pay for it. My mom was only six months pregnant. So I did what I thought i had to to protect them. I never told him no again.