"You want attention?", I try to fill in.
"Not just attention, it's more than that"
"You sound like you just want at-"
"You", she cuts me off. "I don't only want attention, I want you"
Fuck me, it definitely feels better when she says it sober.
...
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I would like to ride his dick.
I can't wipe the smile off my face as I sit at another awkward family dinner. It's like deja vu. Just like last time, I am sitting with Jackson's hand on my thigh only this time I'm thinking about how much pleasure that one hand could bring me and not him sexualizing me against my will.
If anything I would love it if he did sexualize me. I'm so tired of his soft and gentle kisses and the kind and caring touches. I want him to fuck me.
Or at least push me down the stairs or something.
I just want him to be passionate with me. He keeps on touching me like it's going to be his last time doing so, but it's not. Cause once I get to dig my claws in him, there is no going back.
I will be like a spider and without him knowing I will trap him in my web and freaking bite his head off. That's if he doesn't fuck me of course.
"Wonderful weather we are having", I hear my aunt repeat the same words she said a few days back.
It has all gone full circle.
"Yes, it is nice. Thank you for the food Vee", my mother comments but I can't seem to snap out of my thoughts.
"I have a boyfriend", I hear someone say out loud.
The sudden announcement does pull me out of my thoughts as I turn my head to my brother only to find him already looking at me.
Does he have a boyfriend? Since when?
"You have a boyfriend?", we both say at the same time towards each other.
"What do you mean?", we both say the same thing again.
"Veronica", I hear my father's voice call my name.
"Yeah?", I answer in curiosity.
"Who is your boyfriend?", he asks out of nowhere and before the question could register in my brain I already answered truthfully, "Jackson"
"Who is your boyfriend?", I turn back to my brother only to be met with the confused look on his face turns into a smug one.
Only then did I realize that it was I who blurted those words out. And it was me again who just confessed to having Jackson as my boyfriend.
"Does Jackson know that he's your...", I distantly hear my aunt's question fade into the background.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I know and understand that's it's not that serious but why is it so hard to keep my mouth shut?
"Like three days now", Jackson's soothing voice pulls me back to reality along with his hand squeezing my thigh.
"You guys are crazy", my mom says, "just the other day y'all were about to kill each other in the kitchen, and just before that y'all didn't talk for like what, a week? And now you are together?"
"Yeah but it only sounds bad when you say it like that", this is exactly why I didn't want to say anything.
People are allowed to change, damn.
"How do you want me to say it then?"
"We had a disagreement, then we resolved the issue." I try to summarize the past week.
"And now y'all are together?", my mom concludes.
"Yes", I answer with a small attitude.
Like is it so unbelievable that me and Jackson are together?
"I miss being a teenager", my brother's dumbass chimes in, "getting in and out of relationships every week, those were some good times. You shouldn't date your friends though, I learned that the hard way"
"What's that supposed to mean?", I turn to him for an explanation.
"Why are you getting so defensive Veronica? We are just shocked by the new news. You kinda just threw it at us", my grandmother tries to calm me down but all it does is rile me up more.
Why are they talking to me like I don't know what I want or like we don't know what we are feeling?
Why does nobody ever believe me when I express my emotions the first time? Why do I always have to prove it?
I know what I want!
"You guys are kinda talking us like we just suddenly rushed into a relationship. With all due respect, I have liked your daughter for three years now, we aren't some fast teenagers who are rushing into a relationship that's bound to end in a week. I am not asking for your instant blessing but please give us the chance to explore our new feelings before you guys start to judge."Jackson explains my feelings perfectly to them then starts to eat again like nothing happened.
On the outside, he looks calm and nonchalant but from the way his fingers are digging into my thigh I can tell he is not.
"You guys are one of those couples", I hear my mom's voice in the distance but all I think about is how I want his fingers to dig deep somewhere else in me.
