Breathe

Chapter 10: Pizza and Chats

Chapter 10: Pizza and Chats

A few hours had passed and this time it was Aelwyne who awoke first. She could see the warm pink sky announcing the end of the day. Her head still resting on Addison's lap and Addison's hand still resting on her head. She lay there as still as she could once she realized Addison was still asleep. Trying to stretch out the moment.

It had been some night for both of them. Addison had woken up a few times to go to the bathroom and throw up. Aelwyne's mouthwash bottle was close to done by the last time she went. Every time she would bring Addison water hoping it would help with the headache in the morning. She basically had not slept much. Addison would not let go of her either. She kept holding onto her hand, as if she were her lifeline. Aelwyne did not mind of course. She was happy holding onto her. Aelwyne chuckled a bit remembering the embarrassment Addison had shown as she had woken up. She quieted herself again to allow the red head some more sleep. The way she had buried her head in the pillow seemed adorable to Aelwyne.

Then she remembered the pain in her eyes when she had finally come out of the bathroom. Her eyes already puffy and cheeks red. The way she had almost ran to keep her from leaving the room. From leaving her. Aelwyne was angry again. Angry she could do nothing but hold on to her. No words would take away Addison's pain. Nothing she did really could. Addison's pain was something Addison had to work through herself. She could be there while she did but that was it.

'How useless can I be? Why can't I do anything to take it away? Maybe her leaving is the best thing for her. She won't have a constant reminder of that pain walking around the hallways of the hospital. We can't make her stay just because she's a good teacher. She could be a good teacher anywhere else. But if she leaves... what do I do? I won't see her. Will I? I mean I have no reason to go find her. It's not like I want to be a neonatal surgeon do I?' Aelwyne's mind was filled with thoughts and questions.

'What do I do? I don't want her to go. But I can't tell her to stay. It's not fair. None of this is fair, dammit. But she deserves to be happy. She deserves to not feel like a failure. She deserves to not feel so much guilt. She deserves much more than our selfishness. My selfishness. I really don't want her to go.'

"I can feel you thinking." Addison said softly snapping her out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry." She replied softly, beginning to lift her head.

"No, stay." Addison said, stopping her. "Unless you need the bathroom. If you need the bathroom then go. I'm sorry."

"I'm ok here." Aelwyne responded resting her head once more on Addison's lap.

"Good." Addison replied.

"So... want to tell me what you were thinking about?" Addison asked after a few minutes.

"I was thinking... was thinking about... I... well you." She responded quietly.

"Me? Well what were you thinking about?" Addison asked sweetly.

"It was nothing important." Aelwyne responded with a soft nervous laugh.

"I can tell it was important to you but I won't push." Addison said her hand now caressing her head once again.

"Did you enjoy your rest? Are you feeling better?" Aelwyne asked, changing the subject.

"I think it did me some good. And yes just a very slight headache now. Did you? Seemed like you were really tired." Addison asked.

"I was tired and I did enjoy the rest. Your clothes should be done. But-" Aelwyne tried but was cut off.

"You want me to leave. I understand. I mean you've done more than enough for me. I'll go get changed." Addison said abruptly getting up.