Only In My Dreams || Hange Zoë • Reader

Chapter Ten - Apologize

(Summer, Wall Rose, 843)

"Dammit, Y/n, stop this." Hange says to me, while I groan into the pillow on their bed. I'd stayed there for a while, too humiliated to go back to the dorms.

Since they were a squad leader, they had their very own office, which included a desk, storage, and bed to sleep in. And since were so close, I thought why not stay here a couple days with them.

"It's been more than a week. I'm sure Levi has already gotten over it, right?"

"Oh, come on, Hange. I talked shit about him right infront of him! And the girls just let me go on and on while he was there, too! He could get me in trouble for that, you know. Now that he's a squad leader and all."

"Yeah, well what did you really say? You never enlightened me on it." Hange asks, sitting on her small office chair.

"Fuck, you don't understand. I said he was a small prick who didn't care about anybody else, which is partially true, but it's obvious he really does care about his squad. And I said he was tiring, and acts like a kid.. oh god, I even said he's probably just sexually frustrated and that's why he acts the way he does. It was so bad, Hange!"

"What ever, man. He deserves it! And I'm sure he knows you don't mean any of it, he's a pretty strong guy either way. Nothing can get through his thick skin."

I get up from the bed, moving to the middle of the room. Maybe if I were infront of Hange, she'd understand better. "You two have more of an upper hand than I do. It's not even fair! I've been here way longer than Levi, why should he be one of you?"

"Because, Y/n. Erwin probably doesn't want one of our best soldiers fighting in the front lines, hm?" Hange gets up from her seat, heading her hands to grab mine. "Now now, calm down. Just go back up there and act like nothing ever happened! You know damn well he talks about you too."

"And to whom? He doesn't even like anybody here!" I collapse into her arms, slugging. "I miss Isabella and Farlan. At least they talked to the both of us, you know?"

"Such a sweet girl Isabella was, quite a shame what happened. I'm sure Levi is taking it all in as his fault."

"Probably."

Finally, I step away, gathering the things I'd collected in poor Hanges office. Although, it was already very messy. "I think I'll be going now. Thanks for having me, though. I've gotta say, you really saved my life."

"Yeah yeah, you know I'd let you over anytime of the day, dummy." She pushes me towards the door. "Just not tonight, I need my bed!"

Once the door closes, I start my way towards the girls rooms, getting more and more tired in every step.

It was already three years that I spent with Levi, and every second got more and more unbearable. The teasing was non-stop, and so was the fighting. Not a day would go by without us calling each other horrible things, or causing a ruckus. And when we were alone, the air was filled with only envy.

A few months after he and his friends had joined the scouts, we went on an expedition, that failed horribly. Not only did it get many soldiers killed, but his fellow friends as well. And he wasn't the same ever since. Now, more than ever, he was only ever angry, nothing else radiated off of him. Which made it harder and harder to be around him.

Most recently, he was advanced from a scout to a squad leader, and titled 'humanities strongest soldier', leaving me with a blank name. It was like Levi and stealing everything from me, including my best friend. Slowly but surely, Hange started being more interested in Levi and his skills more than anything. I felt so empty around him, like I was the useless one.

After humiliating myself in front of my fellow scouts, I realized I was really just angry at myself for letting him take my place. And it was a few days since it happened, he hadn't talked to me about it ever since, so surely I wasn't yet to have a confrontation with him, right?

No, wrong!

"And where have you been?" I hear a deep voice say throughout the low lit hallway. I simply jump at the sound, nearly tripping over.

"Ah! You scared me to death, Levi!" I
yell/whisper, looking to my side.

His deep grey eyes stared back at me, waiting for a singular movement to trigger him. "And where's your apology?"

I simply roll my eyes, leaning on the parallel wall.

"Is that all you want? Well then, I'm very very sorry, Mr Squad Leader Levi!" I say sarcastically. "For shit talking you, as if you don't do it too."

"Why're you such a brat, hm?" He replied, squinting at me. "You've really got no reason except for the conclusion I'm stronger than you. So what is it? Is it that I'm a little mean too? Or that I have more authority than you? Hm, maybe it's that I'm the only smart one around here who isn't head over heels for you."

"Just shut up, Levi. I couldn't care less about you." I lie, turning to continue my walk towards the dorms. "Just stop making things so difficult."

"Hey, look at me, Y/n." He says, roughly grabbing my shoulders, bringing them right back to where I was. "Look at me."

I briefly sigh, doing as he says. "What?—"

"Now that I have the upper hand, you can't talk to me the way you do. You're to respect me, got it?" He says in a low voice, quickly pulling me towards him with a harsh pull on my arms. "I know you're angry that I'm so much better than you, but isn't a good title what you want? Shit talking one of your superiors won't get you anywhere, you're simply digging your grave further. Or is it that you're obsessed with the fact you've found someone who doesn't put up with your crap?"

"Cut your bullshit, Levi. Look at yourself. Am I really the one who's obsessed, or is it the one who has my face shoved in his hand?" I lick my teeth, staring at the anger in his eyes. I only wanted one thing; for him to break. I wanna see all his weak spots, not just one. "You're right, shit talking doesn't get me anywhere. But what are you gonna do about it? I'm just as strong as you are, and Erwin wouldn't trade me for anybody. I think you're quite aware of that."

"That what, you're a little favorite?"

"That you can't do squat to me."

With that, I'm shoved against the cracked wall, having his hand slip from my jaw to my neck. His finger tighten around me, feeling the veins he could easily pop. "Neither I or anyone in this branch have time for your little tantrums. Either fix that bitchy mood or yours or I'll fix it for you."

"Oh yeah? How? You'll beat me up, or something? Or maybe take your sexual frustration out on me, isn't that right?" I laugh internally at his twisted face, but on the outside I simply smirked, waiting for him to throw a punch. Even if he tried, I can report him and easily get him in trouble.

"Oh yeah, wouldn't you like to know?" Levi growls, nearly breathing down my neck. "Shut up about things being 'difficult.' We could patch everything up if only you were to keep shut. I want you to go back up to your room, and get over yourself already. Understand?"

"Come on, Levi, we both know you're obsessed with hating me, it takes two—"

"Under..stand?" I nearly choke, feeling his hot breath tickle my nose as he waits for a response.

"..yes, sir."

"Now give me my apology, Y/n."

"I-I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry." I say, feeling fear crawl up my back.

He finally lets go of my neck, and shakes his hand out of the tension it held. I try my best not to seem weak, but doing it while gasping for air isn't very easy. And when I catch it, I look up to Levi, who's back against the wall, staring right at me.

"Aren't you gonna do what you were asked?" He says, followed by my nod. "Well then, sweet dreams."

"What ever."

——

That was a whole lot of tension I just wrote there ._. Anyway, make sure to drink water and eat something nutritious. Love you all vv much^^3

- sugawarasbeautymark