Splendiferous Crescent

SIMULA

Choosing between doing what is right and doing what you want to do will always be the hardest thing I would consider in my whole life. My mind is telling me that what I am doing is right but my heart is still not sided with my mind.

I am convinced logically but my heart isn't. It is still longing for something that I shouldn't see nor be with it. It seems like my brain is leading me to the right way but my heart is pulling me backwards so I could take another path... the path that I shouldn't ever take.

But despite of the disagreement of my heart and brain, I am still able to choose the right thing. I am still able to take the right path. I am still able to think everything before doing my actions, but not able to enjoy my life that was once perfect and away from problems.

I can have everything without choosing. I can have this thing without giving up my other possessions. But of course, things do change. Thing won't remain as it is. Things won't remain perfect and thing won't remain disastrous. Everything changed... just like my life.

I have lived my life the way everyone wants to experience. Not until I have to choose between my happiness and the safety of the people who are salient to me.

And of course, their safety will always be my priority. I gave up my happiness to make them safe. Though it was the right thing to do, I feel like there's wrong... there's missing. It seems like everything became dark.

I am just walking under the gloomy sky. I am traversing the path that doesn't have lamppost and moonlight. I am groping on a dark place because I cannot see anything but darkness. I don't know where to go and what to do but to follow the right thing that doesn't give me happiness.

"Proceed. That's open," I said, slightly raising my voice so the person outside who executed the triple knock would hear it.

Ang pinto ng opisina ko ay bumukas at iniluwa ang secretary ni Mamà.

"Señorita, Madame Lopez is requesting you to come in her office," magalang niyang sabi gamit ang kaniyang malambot na boses.

Tumango ako sa kaniya at sinabing bigyan muna ako ng kaunting oras para ayusin ang mga nagkalat na gamit sa lamesa ko.

Tinago ko na rin ang blueprint para sa isang project namin sa Madrid na malapit nang simulan. Kanina ko pa 'yon tinititigan pero wala namang pumasok sa isip ko na kahit isang detalye dahil nag-space out na naman ang utak ko.

"Buenos días, Señorita," bati ng mga empleyadong nasasalubong ko habang papunta sa opisina ni Mamà na hindi naman kalayuan sa aking opisina.

Nang dumating na ako sa tapat ng pintuan ng opisina niya, kumatok ako nang tatlong beses bago narinig ang pagpayag niya.

She gestured her hand on the seat in front of her, para bang sinasabi na maupo ako roon kaya ginawa ko. Kumuha ako ng isang throw pillow at pinatong iyon sa kandungan ko bago ko ibinigay ang buo kong atensyon sa kaniya.

"The head engineer in our branch in Philippines just passed his resignation letter," she said with seriousness. Her face is showing no emotion as if it was just nothing for her.

"Po?" Head engineer na tapos nag-resign pa? Sayang naman no'n!

Ngumiti siya at bahagyang pinilig ang ulo. Ilang segundo pa siyang nanatiling ganoon bago umayos. "I want you to take over his left position," aniya.

Napakurap-kurap ako sa sinabi niya. Bahagya pa akong dumukwang at para tingnan siya nang maagi at hanapin ang pagbibiro sa mukha niya, pero wala akong nakita roon na kahit anong bakas ng pagbibiro.

"Ba–bakit ako?" nagtataka kong tanong.

She just smiled warmly at me. "Bakit hindi ikaw?" tanong niya pabalik sa akin. "You are passionate to your work. Alam kong kapag ikaw ang pumalit sa kaniya, mas magiging maganda ang daloy ng mga project natin sa construction firm."