Secret | (Merder)

The Wrongdoings and Apologizing

Meredith's P.O.V.

I got home from the hospital after recovering. Derek dropped me off and went to grab something to eat. The car ride was completely silent. Not awkward silent, just silent. My house was completely a mess, I know I just had brain surgery and whatever but I need to at least try and clean. The Chief told me I have 4 weeks off of work, and I'm pissed. I need surgery, it's my comfort. If I was pissed I would turn to surgery, but now I can't even do that.

I heard the door open and it was Derek. "I got food."

"Yum.. thank you" I started unpacking the brown paper bag, until a tear slipped. "Derek- I would've told you, well I couldn't. I- It was too hard, and it just couldn't come out of my mouth. I was worried, worried about you. I- I'm sorry... Derek."

Derek looks at the bag, then me. "Mer, I understand completely this isn't your fault. It's no ones fault. Meredith. I love you, and I'm not going to stop loving you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to prove it."

Derek leans in for a hug. I hug him back. This hug just felt... so safe. So nice. It just felt like a wave. A wave of love. Relief. Fresh. It felt like a day on the ferry boat. With his ocean breeze cologne, it was easy to picture ferryboats in my head. Derek was the first to release from the hug, and he leaned in to a kiss. It just felt right... an amazing right. I was glad this man was my husband.

He then released from the kiss which was sad but he said, "We better eat now, the food will get cold soon." I nodded in agreement.

***

After spending 20 minutes or so eating I realized what I have finally done. It wasn't that big with Derek. It was with Cristina. I pressured her into hiding it from Derek, and then got mad at her for nothing. I hate how it's true. I have to patch things up with Cristina. Derek was finishing his steak and green beans.

"I got to go" I blurted.

Derek looked up, "You're still in recovery, you can't drive yet-"

I rolled my eyes, "fine..." Derek finally finished eating and cleaned up dinner. He started throwing stuff away, and I got an idea. I need to see Cristina I wouldn't be seeing her for a month or two and I just need to patch things up immediately. I don't care if I can't drive, I'm going to.

***

"Goodnight Derek."

Derek laid a kiss on my cheek, "Goodnight Mer"

During the night I stayed pretty much awake, I waited til I heard the snores from Derek. I rolled Derek over, and he didn't wake up so that's good. I creeped downstairs and put on my sneakers. Grabbed my keys and looked in the cabinet, I thought I had tequila in there. I am pretty sure Cristina will have tequila at her place. I then sneakily headed out of the house.

***

The car started, maybe I am understanding why Derek likes these things a lot. Then, I start my drive to Cristina's. It felt good to drive... by myself. Not with and not for anyone. It was just for me. The lights were bright, but they were relaxing, and the soft music in the background felt nice. I nodded my head slowly, helping to keep me awake. Soon after what felt like forever I reach Cristina's place. I sat in the car and tried to prepare things to say... but I got nothing- so I just barged out of my car. Walking up the steps and knocking on the door very loudly. Cristina came... with a disgusted look on her face.

"Listen, I'm sorry and my house is driving me crazy. I just need you and Tequila." I say,

Cristina nods, "Eh we should just forget this, and you drove here? Wow... impressive. I restocked my liquor cabinet last night so you're lucky."

I let out a slight chuckle, and a sigh of relief. Cristina pours us a shot of tequila. We are ready to swig, until I see bright headlights through the window.

"Crap.." I put down the shot.