Apartment 311

Ch | 96

Brooklyn Noelle Brankovich

Chapter Ninety-six: "When he's all you can talk about"

"-Brooklyn, I meant every word I ever said to you."

"You said your actions will speak for themselves, Noah. Let them," I said back and meant it.

"You're right. But in the meantime?"

I rolled onto my back again, lying on my bed. "I don't know, just... behave. Can you do that?"

"I gotta go," he said fast.

I know Noah, he's impulsive and has extremes. I knew he got an erratic idea and wanted to act on it fast.

"What are you going to do?" I asked him.

"Huh?" I rolled my eyes at his lame response. How many times do I have to remind him that I know "huh" is a tell? He's practically snitching on himself.

"Huh," I mocked his dumb tone. "Don't lie. What are you going to do?"

He didn't say anything, I knew it's because he didn't want to lie to me or just couldn't come up with a good one. "Something stupid, huh?" I assumed. "Well don't call me later."

I didn't mean it to be rude, I just meant I didn't want another sappy 'I miss you call' later on when he can't even talk to me now and be truthful.
My mind raced, making up a million and one scenarios.

He's going to hook up with another girl.
He's going to go out and get really drunk and something bad is gonna happen.
Or worse. . .

Snapping out of my head, I whispered, "I love you."

He hung up.

I sat up and smoothed my hair back, sitting at the edge of my bed, stressed.

As I kept thinking, I realized I probably shouldn't have left. My Christmas wasn't even eventful. Sure, my parents are working on things, and I got to see Daniel, but I could've spent it with Cassie. And maybe, just maybe, Noah and I would've - I don't know.

Texas was no longer home, I felt. My home was at The Beach Plaza where my friends were. What Noah and Gael did was shitty, but I miss them so much.

Me running away was a poor attempt at staying strong, thinking I could be better here. Who am I kidding, though? I wanted Noah back, I cracked on that phone call and all it took was hearing his stupid ass voice. It's not stupid, it's actually hot. He's hot and I miss him more than anything.

It's just that I know what he did is wrong and my brain is telling me not to give in. How do you come back from that? I'm supposed to just sweep it under the rug? This isn't the first time he's fucked up with me, how many chances does he get?
I think the reason I'm trying so hard to keep my distance and stay firm in my stance is because I never got the option with Will.
With William, I let him walk all over me and I knew he was doing foul shit behind my back - like cheating - but that's because I didn't care about him.

I care about Noah, but more importantly, I value myself. After breaking out of that timid and weak mindset I had with William, why would I go back to that? I feel that if I do accept Noah back, I'm just saying: here, keep making mistakes, I'll take you back every. single. time.