Our New Normal

Part 16: Holy Hell

The MRIs came back normal for both Goodwins.

The staff was utterly surprised by their leader's luck.

It wasn't everyday a car falls from a bridge and the occupants come out unscathed with their humor in tact.

Helen however was impervious to his humor on the matter. She did not find it funny in the least.

He could have died.

Luna could have died.

They could have lost mobility.

They could have had brain damage.

Yet Max now laughs and jokes- much like how he treated his cancer in the beginning.

But she knows humor is the only way he can cope with some things.

That and acting like they never happened.

Getting to his apartment, now at 10:23 at night- Helen carries Luna to her bed- the poor child exhausted and worn out from her traumatic day. Max goes to the fridge and grabs two beers, handing one to Helen on her way back.

"Could use a good drink...but this isn't it." He jokes as he pops the tops off of his and Helen's.

"Could use a strong drink." She clarifies and he smiles. Since the ED, they haven't spoken about their confessions. They haven't really even took the time to talk about how they will proceed forward.

Following him into the living room, they sit down on the couch at opposite ends and just stare forward. The awkward silence filling the space between them like an old friend you stopped talking to because they never paid you back the $100 you loaned them. They sip their drinks and just take long quiet breaths- both wondering who should speak first and what would even be an appropriate  conversation to have.

Finally Helen can't take the silence or the distance any more and gets up, sliding all the way down the couch and curling into his side, resting her on his shoulder.

"You okay?" He asks her, leaving a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm just wiped out. I was so upset and anxious from everything- that I feel so drained. My whole body hurts." She says, her voice scratchy and sore from crying so much.

Setting his beer down on the end table, he takes hers as well and pulls her up onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he holds her close and simply rubs his hands up and down her back.she snakes her arms behind him and lays her head on his right shoulder.

"I'm sorry I scared you." He quietly says.

"Not your fault. It's not like you wanted to dangle over the edge of the bridge."

"No...but still." The silence fills the room again and Helen feels lost. The whole day has her stomached tossed and her mind foggy.

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Aren't you usually?" He stifles his sarcasm and leaves a kiss on her head.

"Always...mostly..." She corrects herself.

"Okay. What's on your mind?"

"Yesterday...last night— I loved what we were doing. It felt right and I felt happy."

"And I ruined it."

"No! You didn't. Max...I stopped us...huh...I stopped us because I, Huh, I put these barriers up for no reason. I love pushed you away last night not because I thought you weren't ready, but because I wasn't. I wasn't ready to give you all of my heart because I was scared...scared of losing you in any kind of way for any reason. So I stopped because I didn't want to get hurt." She forces herself to say it and  after she does, she half expects him to be upset and angry with her.