{eighteen}

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Your eyes fluttered open but you weren't in the road of with Spencer. It was nice and peaceful. Am I dead?

"Y/n?" a soft girl voice called from behind you.

Mikayla.

"Mikayla!" you ran over to her enveloping her in a hug. She smelt of cotton candy reminding you of Penelope. "What am I doing here-" "am I dead?" your voice cracked waiting for the anticipating answer.

"No not yet" she smiled, the smile that used to light up your world was finally showing again, everything felt so real even her.

"What happened?" you didn't know anything other than yelling at Spence about his risky stunt.

"You were in a crash with Spencer- you know I can tell you really like him" she giggled softly , you couldn't help but smile and forget about whatever she did to you.

Your sister standing before you, you wanted to stay here forever. She said you weren't dead yet which means you had a choice. "Is he de-dead" you could barely choke out the words.

She shook her head smiling, "No y/n he is right here" a sudden vision of Spencer trying to wake you up in the SUV flashing in front of you. "How did you do that?"

"That's a secret i'll never tell" she quoted gossip girl. He was alive and you seemed to not be. In that moment you realize how much you really wanted and needed him. How could he stand to see you practically dead over the wheel.

A tear rolled down your cheek, "Can I go back?" she nodded her head with a smile. "But what if I want to stay with you?"

"Y/n I did some horrible things to you- you deserve to go and live your life i'll be here waiting for you always okay? But right now is not your time"

"Before I go...why'd you do it?" you asked her. You figured now was the time to find out why she tried to kill you.

"When we were little mother always said how you were the perfect child and how I was a mistake-" a wave of sadness washed over eyes, "and I thought if I got rid of you finally just this once mom and dad would look at me as the same beautiful, smart, talented child."

"You don't make any sense"

"C'com y/n/n you are a genius. By the age of four you played the harp and new all your multiplication. And I failed my classes, stayed in my room all day. By the age of eight I was already depressed. You wouldn't understand. I'm so sorry" she sobbed.

"I forgive you."

"What?"

"I can't live my life holding grudges, you were young and dumb. I'll never live it down if I didn't forgive you when I had the chance"

Her soft hands reached for yours but immediately went through them. "I've been here to long-" she cried. "Please go live your life and tell him... he's everything to you don't regret anything" her body slowly disappears into thin air leaving you in the white room.

Suddenly a sharp pain in your head and stomach appear...

Slowly you regained consciousness seeing a crowd of people surrounding the SUV.

"y/n? y/n are you awake?" Spencer groaned.

"Why are you talking so loud" you grumbled.

"Oh thank god" he sighed letting his head rest on the chair. "Are you okay?" you asked him. He nodded his head at you.

"I ne-need the unsub...Emma" you tittered out unbuckling yourself from the chair. A warm liquid drilling from your head into your vest.

There was a frantic lady standing out looking and calling for help. You groaned while opening the door. "Ma'am I need you to calm down" you spoke calmly to her grabbing your gun. "Please go stand over there- call 911 and say it's for SSA Y/n Y/l/n with the BAU" She obliged running the other way. Traffic had completely stopped.

You slowly walked over to the Honda seeing if Emma was in there.

Her head was resting on the steering wheel, she look unconscious. You opened the door gun raised. The paleness on her face took over while you checked for a pulse, it was thready but there.

Blue and red sirens flashed in your eyes. Hotch immersing from the car, running over to you. Sharp jagging pains reappeared in your stomach as you clenched it for dear life causing your gun to fall out your grip. "The car! Please Spencer us in the car help him" you said quietly.

Your body started crumbling under your skin forcing you to the ground in screaming pain.

He's everything to you don't regret anything.

Mikaylas words echoed in your ears.

"Tell him that I didn't mean anything okay?" you sobbed out to Hotch desperately trying to get the medics over to you. "What are you talking about?" he asked frantically.

"Spencer I didn't mean what I said to him and I need you to tell him that I love him- if I don't make it tell him for me?" your body felt light again. But you didn't understand you chose to stay alive so why was this happening?

"Your not going to die!" he insisted cupping your face. "And tell Esme to teach her kids to cook the brownies and pass the recipe onto the team. Promise me!"

"Ok okay I promise" Hotch promised.

Warm feelings took over your body as your eyes began to fluttered closed into the never ending dark abyss once again, this time not regret and guilt flooding your body.

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A/N-
Sorry for the short chapter but this is pre-written because Im not sure if there will be a chapter tomorrow so i wanted something else out tonight

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