Only Mine | S.R. ✔️

{twenty-five}

Dear Y/n,

Hey it's Spencer as you know. This is not something I ever saw myself doing because I don't believe in such a afterlife or people looking down upon me but it's been a week since you've passed and I have some unspoken words that I regret not saying to you. That day that you walked into the BAU I was intimidated honestly, but me being me I decided to push you away and now I regret more than words can put into it. Everyday I miss you more and more. I miss out fights, or laughs, our late night talks, or simply comforting each other after a case. I know that when you died you still hated me in a way for what I did, but that night you confessed feelings towards me that's when I knew that I loved you but I would never say it to your face because I was scared. But now I know that you loved me because well Hotch said you said that just before you died, like you wanted to make sure I knew. And I can only imagine what our life would've been like- kids and everything. I always wanted to make a girl Athena after the greeks and honestly I think you would've liked that name. Ether that or you would throw a pillow at me saying it's cheesy but I like to think it was the first option. But if your watching over me just send me a sign please, anything? Something that only you and I would know about, because I miss you so fucking much Y/n.

Love, Spencer.

"Spencer we don't want to be late" JJ said pulling Spencer out of reading the letter he wrote the night prior to your funeral. "Sorry i'm coming" he says pulled on his large coat and meeting by her side.

Each member of the team grabbed your coffin, carrying it to the sight picked out next to your sisters tombstone. The New York air sending shivers down his spine while he stared at the casket emotionlessly.

Before the funeral everyone was given a daisy to place on top of your casket as a sigh for remorse. Spencer thought the idea was dumb because even though you liked those flowers you thought that the concept of them was dumb because they would die anyways.

Slowly, each member of the team placed theirs on the black box your body laid lifeless in. Spencer felt numb in that moment thinking about what could've been.

If he hadn't done that stunt you wouldn't have been yelling at his to sit down and you would be living right now. It was his fault he thought to himself. For now on he would blame your passing on himself.

Once he placed the flower on top Hotch cleared his throat.

"Thank you all for coming, I just wanted to say a few words because Y/n and I grew to be close after her first year of working with us. She was a wonderful asset to this team and became family quickly. We all loved her dearly and wish she was still with us today. Before she passed she talked about brownies" everyone chuckled a little bit to lighten the mood, "She was worried about getting her last words to the people she loved. Now that she is gone things will never be the same but we will continue to cherish the time we had with her in our hearts" he finished before stepping down and wiping the tear falling from his face.

Spencer felt numb like there was no reason to be here anymore but he knew that all you would want was for him to move and live his life to the fullest.

-
When he arrived home he swung the door open  an overwhelming amount of feelings took him over. He choked back the sobs.

This is what he meant when everyone left him.

Instead of drowning in tears and went over to his bed, letting himself snuggle under the covers setting his head down on his pillow looking at the side you used to lay.

Your scent of lavender still lingering on the pillow from your shampoo making him cling onto it.

A happy ending is never a promise...yet a wish, and not all wishes come true.

Like I said, I would take that secret to the grave.

The end.