Wrap Your Arms Around Me (merdred)

24. Must've Been the Wind

Merlin's world seems to fall apart after heeding Kilgharrah's words. At his breaking point, Merlin accidentally lashes out at Mordred with his magic. When Mordred confronts him later, Merlin is unaware of the lurking king.
TW: heavy angst and depression (nothing beyond that)

I am sorry in advanced for the sadness you're about to read •‿• 

But uh... magic reveal? Yayyyyyy.... heh heh

~

        WHEN MERLIN SNEAKED BACK into the castle after his talk with Kilgharrah, he avoided Mordred's chambers and headed straight for his own. Something about not returning back to Mordred's arms made him feel as though he had betrayed him, even if Mordred was really the one who would betray him. He fell back into his bed that night without ever closing his eyes. By the time the sun came up to greet him, he had spent all his time sorting through his messy thoughts. Out of all the thinking he'd done, nothing seemed clear. Merlin didn't know whether to take Arthur and run someplace where no one could hurt him, or to bear through everything and pretend like nothing was wrong. Every time he had to deal with something like this, it was Mordred he would turn to. Only this time, he couldn't.

Merlin let out an exhausted sigh as he stood up from bed, heading down the steps to find Gaius sitting at the table. He looked surprised to see Merlin standing there.

"Merlin? I thought you'd be off with Mordred. The two of you are practically married by now. I'm glad I made enough porridge for the both of us," the old physician said as he began to dish a bowl up for Merlin.

Merlin gave him a half smile, taking a seat on the other side of the table. He grabbed his spoon, but kept it in the bowl, pushing around his food. His thoughts drifted back to Mordred and his destiny. After everything they'd been through together, it felt like he was all the way back at the beginning. He played with his porridge some more, wondering how the hell he was supposed to carry on with such a heavy weight on his shoulders.

"Merlin?" Gaius called out to him. He dropped the spoon, looking up to his eyes. "You've been awfully quiet so far. That isn't like you. Is something the matter?" Gaius asked with a raised eyebrow.

Merlin swallowed a lump in his throat. At first, he thought he might just tell Gaius. But then he remembered that the last time he tried that, all Gaius could muster out was, "well, he's a very likeable boy," which only made everything more confusing.

"Just lost in thought, that's all," Merlin explained with a shrug of the shoulders. He went for a bite of his porridge while Gaius just shook his head.

________________

Merlin had just finished piling Arthur's clothes into a basket when he stumbled upon Mordred in the hallway. The basket in his hands acted as a barrier while his eyes remained glued to the floor. Mordred came walking over, reaching out to place a hand on his cheek.

"Merlin, I missed you this morning! Does Arthur have you on such a short leash that you can't even have mornings to yourself?" He chuckled half-heartedly.

Merlin gave him a small smile, but stepped out of reach so Mordred's hand fell from his cheek. "Yeah, something like that," he muttered. "I should get to washing these clothes. We don't want Arthur smelling worse than he already does." Merlin went to move past him, but was stopped by a hand grabbing his wrist.

"What's wrong, Merlin? I can tell that something is bothering you. Was it something I did?" Mordred voice was laced with concern that made Merlin feel terrible about being so distant.