SWAN SONG; tom riddle

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dear tom,

          of all the many methods of torture brewing in that beautiful head of yours, why drowning?

          once my head was beneath the water, the anchor you bound to my feel slowly dragging me down the the sea bed, it was out of your hands. so how is it that you chose the one method of murder that was out of your control? i know how much you crave control, everyone does.

          is it because you like the feeling of helplessness? when you dragged me by my feet to the black lake did you enjoy the fear in my eyes? i wouldn't dare give you the satisfaction of hearing me cry as you tossed me in but i must say:

          tom marvolo riddle, you've outdone yourself.

          because i was afraid.

          see the problem was, you knew i wanted to be dead, but i was terrified of dying. i craved eternal nothingness but wanted nothing to do with the only way i could achieve it. i'd much rather simply appear in hell then walk the paved road there.

          you knew that no matter how much i hated my worthless existence, i'd never be the one to take it. i'd leave my fate in the hands of the gods, allowing them to do what they pleased.

          but you wouldn't let that happen would you? nothing could be left to chance or even choice. my life would ultimately be dictated by you; the unstable half-blood who craves control.

          but even after that, after you watched to be sure i sunk to the bottom, you didn't stay did you? you packed your things and returned to the castle, whistling all the while with an extra kick in your step.

          if the water wasn't bursting through my eye sockets, i'm sure i would've cried then. i thought my death would make you happy. i took comfort in the fact that if i died, you would at least be pleased.

          but no.

          even my death wasn't enough to please you.

          i began fighting then. thrashing wildly against nothing in particular. fear clouding my better judgement as i desperately tried to untie the intricate knot that bound me to the anchor dragging me down.

          you purposely left my hands unbound didn't you? because you knew i'd never be able to free myself but you still wanted me to have some remaining hope that you could destroy. one last jab before i was gone. god, that was the worst part. the whole night was dreadful but those 30 seconds i spent alone were hell.

          and then there you were.

          eyes alight with wonder as you watched me through the observatory glass. like a child in an aquarium, i could've sworn you hand your nose pressed against the glass. i was briefly confused on how you weren't drowning along with me, you were practically a breath away yet the oxygen engulfed your lungs and left me bare.

          i'm not sure if the lack of air had made me slower than normal or if i simply didn't expect it, but the realization of where you were hit me like a ton of bricks.

          the common room.

          the slytherin fucking common room.

          just when i thought you ran out of tricks tom riddle, you do it again.

          you wanted to watch me— watch me do what exactly?

          grovel?

          beg for mercy?

          or simply just die beneath your gaze?

          because you certainly had an expression of expectancy on your face, as though i owed you something.

and if i knew what it was that you wanted, i would've happily given it to you.

but i'd run out of time, and you knew.

you knew i had only a breath or two left.

your expression gave it away. i don't know if it was regret or disappointment or even sadness, it still puzzles me.

i quickly realized what you wanted from me as i felt the pull of a million burning embers, the wasteland described in the muggle books becoming a rapidly approaching reality.

you wanted to be the last thing i'd ever see. how poetically selfish of you.

just as the scorching flames enveloped my body, my head felt as if it had imploded, an inescapable pain washing over me.

i recognized the feeling. it was something i was used to, always being in your company.

legilimency.

the heat became too much and i was finally freed from my body. but not before i heard the familiar voice that could strike both fear and love in my shattered heart.

oh, my love. what a fool you've become.

          and i'll spare you the details because we both know what came next.

yours,
florizel