FREE FLYING HEARTS -- A collection of short stories from Tonig73

::: 5 :::

"C'mon, sit up ..... Laurent ?  Sit up...."  

By the time Laurent had finished his recollections, remembering everything in such awful vivid detail, he had fallen over into Larry's lap, his cheek on his thighs, clutching at them desperately, as if that would stop his own pain, as if he could pull his mother back to him somehow.  Larry helped him sit up straight, and got him a bottle of water.  Laurent sat, heaving in small chunks of air to at least half fill his lungs.

"There ya go, that's better.  Calm, Lau, calm."   Larry rubbed his back, his hand sitting comfortably on his thigh as he watched his face.  Laurent pulled in shaky breaths, slower and more calmly now, wiping his nose and his red eyes with some tissues Larry had found.  They sat in silence for awhile, Laurent looking around him as if he were lost, not just lost in place, but lost in time.  Just lost. 

"You know it's not ..... "

"My fault, yeah, I know.  But it is ... it was.  She'd be alive now if I'd realized, if I'd got her help in time."  

"Maybe, maybe not .... "  Maybe they shouldn't be having this conversation yet, Laurent's memories still so raw.  But when would be the best time ?  Now was as good a time as any.  

"What do you mean ?"  Laurent glared at him.  "She would."   OK, he'd started .... so he'd finish.

"What if she was too far gone, Laurent ?  What if they couldn't get her back ?"  Laurent looked utterly bereft.  He hadn't thought about that.  Now for the hard one, this still wasn't over. 

"What if .... she didn't want to come back ?  If she came back, to you, but tried it again ?  She obviously didn't want to be there."  Larry caught Laurent's pain then.  The pain so obviously filling his heart, now overflowing into his eyes.  She didn't want to be there, he mused, she didn't want to be with him.  Larry knew what to say, because it was the truth.

"She wasn't leaving you, Laurent, I can't imagine her ever wanting to leave you behind.  She was leaving Lucas, and the life he though he gave her no choice but to live, but this was her other choice.  To leave the life she couldn't fight anymore.  She knew you'd be OK, that's why she left."

"But I wasn't, was I ?"  Laurent roared in frustration at Larry's reasoning.  "You call these, what, ..... 12 years, a life well lived ?  Happy, content .... OK ..... ?  Hardly."  He pulled in a deep breath, and was forcing himself to calm down somewhat, but it all still hurt like fuck.  His chest felt like it had a fucking crater in it.    Larry had to take the chance now.  Tough love.  

"You forgot her, Laurent."  Larry looked him straight in the face, pulling no punches.  And Laurent returned his look with the one he was expecting.  Anger and disbelief, betrayal and disloyalty.

"What ?!  What the fuck are you talking about ?  I didn't forget her !  How could I ..... ?"

"You forgot what her love felt like.  You forgot what she taught you, and you let what Lucas taught you come front and centre.  You pushed her down, deep down, as far as she would go, everything she made you feel.  Because it took less effort, and less pain to be angry at Lucas, and you sure as fuck didn't want to be angry at her.  And if you stayed angry at Lucas, there wasn't the room or the time, to remember how much you missed Melody, or how much that hurt.  You've done that for 12 years, Laurent.  It's time to stop.  It's time to love your mother again, maybe even to forgive what Lucas did to you.  To forgive her, and to forgive yourself."  

Laurent just stared at Larry.  He had heard him, he had heard his words, and he knew he was right, Larry was always right, Goddammit.  He took in another calming breath.