Blinded

Chapter 9- I'm sorry i'm not good enough for you.

 Please don't hate me for this! it's vital for the story to keep going, otherwise i'd have to end it preetty soon. and all of it is in bryans point of view so you get the exclusive behind his head scene xD anyway. i know exactly where im goiing with this. and it's going to be reaaaally good. enjoy!

-Happy reading.

Bryan P.O.V.

After I left from talking to Blake. I ran outside and stripped. I tied my clothes to my leg, shifted, and took off to the nearest store. I needed alcohol for what I was about to do. 

On my way back I didn’t bother to shift again. I just walked with my bottle of the strongest alcohol I could find in my hand. Taking swings and feeling it go down, when I received a text.

HEY, IT’S ME AINSLEY. IM USING UR MOMS PHONE 4 NOW. 

My heart sped up. What was I going to tell her? I mean I knew what I had to do. And it broke my heart. I knew exactly what I was going to do. Blake’s instructions were clear. But it’s easier said than done.

HEY. Was all I said back.

Two seconds later my phone vibrated. Dang she texts fast. UMM I WAS WONDERING WHAT WE WER DOING TODAY?

IT’S A SURPRISE. MEET ME BEHIND THE HOUSE IN THE GARDEN @ 1:00. Then I placed my phone in my pocket and started to really drink.

It was about to be one when I started to see my house taking shape from afar. Followed by my Ainsley walking out and taking in the backyard. The suns rays hit her and I melted. Her hair resembled a gold shimmering brown. And her skin. Her skin looked flawless.

My wolf purred with delight. I had to stop myself from smiling like an idiot before she saw me.

She looked really cute with her little cardigan. Her eyes roamed the forest until she spotted me. I saw her cheeks pull up in the corners in a smile of ecstasy. Until she sniffed the air and saw what I had in my hand. And before she could see, I wiped away the remaining of the tears I had in my eyes.

Her smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of confusion and then concern. 

I snapped out of my daze. I resumed my pace towards her. When I was directly in front of her I took a last swing and hurled the bottle to the floor.

We stared at each other face-to-face hands flat for a few seconds. Ainsley how ever wanted to break the silence.

“Bryan? Bryan are you okay?” she hesitantly brought her arm up to my arm.

“Don’t touch me.” I growled. 

Her arm dropped to her side and she stared at me with a disbelieving look of hurt and confusion. “I-I don’t understand.”

“You don’t need to.” I said, my voice as cold as stone.

She shook her head, “Bryan if something’s wrong you know you can tell—

“No!” I said. “Why do you think you’re always right? What makes you think that I need help? Your help for that matter. What makes you think that me, an alpha would turn to a rogue for help?” I tried to imagine Stacy to give her my best look of disgust.

She flinched and her eyes instantly watered. A mixture of hurt and worry covered her features. “What?” she croaked.

I shot her daggers. “Are you deaf? I’m sorry Ainsley. I tried. I tried to not let your state get to me. But for whatever reason, you are what you are. Joining my pack will help you, yes. But I will never forget what you are. And every time I’ll try to love you, I would always have what you are on my mind. And that’s what stops me from growing feelings for you.”

She looked at me with wide glazed eyes. “But. I thought. We. Don’t you already have feelings for me?” she stammered with a voice like a child. “Don’t you… feel anything for me?” she asked in a small hurtful voice. “Because… I do. I- I love—

“Don’t.” I said in a thick voice. “Any feelings I could possibly have for you are clouded for what you are. There are more important things than mates.” 

A single tear slid down her cheek. My fingers twitched. Suppressing the urge to wipe it away.

Before I could react she took my right hand with both of hers- instantly creating sparks- and placed it right in the place where her heart lays. “Look me in the eye, and tell me that there could possibly be something more important, than this.” Her look was defiant. Challenging me. “Tell me Bryan? Don’t you feel it? And even though we’ve only known each other for so long I already care about you sooo much.” She said wiping away tears as she spoke. 

I closed my eyes to consume her warmth. To absorb her love. Of course I felt it. She was right. There isn’t anything more important than this. But the pack would bully her. Packs can be dicks to any rogue no matter what.  Before she noticed my inner battles I opened my eyes and slowly but forcibly pulled my hand free of her grasp were they went limp. “Responsibility. The choice you made. You ran away. You made the choice to leave your pack.” God I don’t know if I cant take this any longer. 

She slowly bowed her head down to look at her shoes. “I’m sorry.” She said in a small voice. “I guess I didn’t really think about the consequences. But, I promise I can do better. I’ll help around in the pack. Become a better pack member.” Her voice growing with hope. “Just please— don’t do this.” She said her voice breaking down as she finished.

God. Why did she have to be like this? She’s supposed to be angry and enraged. She’s supposed to hate me for doing this to her. “You can’t. It’s wrong. An alpha and a wolf with rogue history can’t be together. It’s just not possible.” I looked down.

She took me by surprise when she took my face with both her hands and brought her lips to mine. I let her lips perfectly mold into mine for possibly the last time. Her soft and rosy lips. She kissed me slowly but with urge. Both my arms hanging limply on my sides were slowly reduced to taking her face in my hands. God I love her so much.

When she finally pulled away and opened her eyes slowly to look at me, they held nothing but love. “Does that feel wrong to you?”

My arms dropped to my sides, while hers remained. “You can’t do better. You don’t have it in you.” I said slowly. My voice husky and low, thick with unshed emotion. “I’m sorry.” I said with defeat. 

Her arms dropped to her sides, and she closed her eyes, squeezing shut, allowing the tears to run down freely. Her fists clenched and unclenched. She took a step back. She shook her head as if having an inner battle herself. “No.” she said as she opened her eyes to look at me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you can’t try harder. I’m sorry that you let rules stop you from loving your mate.” She took a closer step to me grabbed my chin and forcibly lined her face with mine. “But most of all, I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.” She said as tears streamed down her cheeks. 

With that she turned around and stalked to the house but as soon as she slammed the door, she ran.

Leaving me standing there as tears finally ran freely. It took everything in me to not run after her and tell her the truth and take it all back. That I didn’t mean not one word I said. And to hope she can one day forgive me. But I didn’t. 

Heavy one huh? yea, it's cheesy but get used to it. this book is going to be filled with emotion and feelings so yepp :P

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-Love always master skittles >:D