SHE'S ALL THAT ➭ SIRIUS BLACK ❨2❩ ✔︎

ACT FOUR, SCENE ELEVEN

UNSENT LETTERS

Julien,
Hello, big brother.
My shrink told me I should write letters to people I've lost. Can you imagine what Mother and Father would say if they heard that I was seeing a therapist? "Fontaines don't seek help. We deal with things internally." That's what they said to me after you died.
Funny, isn't it? I haven't spoken to them in years—oh, Mother died, by the way. Figured you should know—but everything they tried to drill into my head is still there.
The purpose of these letters is to get rid of the anger and pain that I have neglected to deal with.
I'm sorry, but I am so angry with you, Ju. You were my best friend and my anchor to everything that was good about me, and you left me. I tried not to be angry with you, because I know it must've been absolute hell to go through what you did. And I know you tried to hold on, for me, for Regulus, for our friends. But we weren't enough. I resented myself because of that, because I wasn't enough to keep you here. I hated you, subconsciously. I wanted to be enough for you to stay. Why weren't we enough?
Don't get me wrong, Julien Chance. I love you with everything in me. But you left me, alone with Mother and Father. Do you know how hard it was for you to leave me with them? I could have had you by my side during those years. But you left.
I'm sorry for being angry with you. I'll forever be your sister, Ju. I just wish you were earth-side to be my brother.
I just hope you're proud of everything I've accomplished.
Love,
Sage

Charlotte,
Hey, you little slag.
Rowan's mum is having me write letters to everyone I've lost. And guess what, Char? You're on my list.
I tried to be angry about losing you, but I can't be angry. Not at you. You didn't deserve what happened to you, and neither did Marlene.
I miss you. You were my third ever best friend, right behind my brother and Maia. You were better to me than I deserved, especially when I was being mean.
I wish I could have saved you. Made you and Mar stay the night at my house on my birthday so you wouldn't have been home for them to kill you.
I got revenge, by the way. I never told anyone. For almost two years, I kept my secret. Lawson never saw me coming. After all the people I had to kill for Voldemort, it felt good to kill someone for you.
I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.
Your friend,
Sage

Sirius,
I hate you.
I hate you so fucking much it hurts.
You didn't have to go after Peter. You promised me that you wouldn't leave.
Remember what you promised me, right after you told me you loved me for the first time? You promised that you would never leave when I'm vulnerable.
You were the love of my life. You are the love of my life. But I'll never get to see you again because you had to be stupid and go kill him. And I hate you for that. We could have been happy. We could have raised Harry together. Maybe have kids of our own, gotten married, had a happy fucking life.
You took away any potential of a future together. Was it worth it, killing Peter? Did it bring you peace and satisfaction? I wanted to kill him, too. Trust me, I did. I wanted him dead. I could have done it and gotten away with it. You could have talked to me about it first. You didn't have to leave and do it yourself.
Because now, I'm raising our godson on my fucking own. Do you know how hard it is? He knows I'm not his mother. I know he deserves better than me. We could have done better for him. It was never meant to be just me.
I hate that I'm so angry at you. I should be able to move on. But I can't, because I love you with a part of me that is so deeply ingrained in who I am that I can't ever stop loving you. No matter how hard I try.
Maybe it's because you were the first person I ever loved romantically. Maybe it's because we went through so much together in such a short period of time that I've trauma bonded myself to you. Either way, I'm stuck.
I hate you for what you did.
And I miss you. There aren't enough words in English, French, Latin, any known language to express how much I want you back with me.
We deserved to have a chance, Sirius. I'm sorry we lost that.
I love you. No matter how much I hate you.
Yours,
Sage

Lily,
My best friend. My platonic soulmate, the person who saw the best in me despite every bad decision I've ever made. I miss you.
Harry is so much like you, Lily. He's so smart. He looks exactly like James, but he has your exact personality. God, I wish you could see him. He's amazing.
I'm raising him the best I can. It's hard—he misses you, I can tell. We have pictures of you and James up in his nursery. I've caught him staring at them sometimes, when he can't sleep. He recognizes you, I think. Knows who the two of you are.
You'd be so proud of him. He's walking, talking, playing with Madeleine, eating like a champion.
He's a good kid. The best, really. I'm honored to be raising him, even though it should be you and James.
I wish you could be here instead of me. I'd take your place in a heartbeat.
I don't know what else to say. Words can't even begin to say everything I want to tell you.
I love you, my friend. Thank you for everything.
Sage

Mother,
Fuck you.
Insincerely,
Sage

period sage! lol