Unexpected Romance

⚠️ Chapter 25

Warning: self-harm
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Natasha:
My alarm sounds at 5 AM, leaving me an hour to leave the compound for the mission. I reach to the nightstand to turn off the alarm and Val stirs in my arms.

"Baby?" She groans tiredly.

"Hey, I gotta get ready for the mission. You can go back to sleep, it's okay." I comb my fingers gently through her hair.

"No, I'll get ready with you." She lifts herself off of me slowly.

"You sure? I'm okay if you wanna go back to bed. I know you don't like waking up early for no reason."

"I'm sure. So, shower?"

"Shower."

I drag her into the bathroom and rip off her clothes and she does the same to me.

"20 minutes. Make this quick," I breathe heavily into the kiss.

-

"Be safe. Don't be a dumbass. Be careful. Stay quiet. Stay focused. I don't want you getting hurt. It's bad enough I can't go with you to protect you so I have to trust those idiots to bring you home safely. I know you can protect yourself though," Val sighs as she zips up the front of my suit for me.

"I know babe. You said it yourself though, everything will be okay. I'll be okay. I'll be gone two days max. Then I'll be back in your arms." I try to give her a reassuring smile, hoping to ease her anxiety about this.

She smiles back and gives me a tight hug.

"I love you," she whispers into my ear.

"I love you too. I gotta go. Walk me to the jet?"

"Yeah, okay." She lingers in the hug for another minute then pulls away and takes my hand to lead me out to the hangar.

Valerie:
I watch the Quinjet take off with the rest of my team, officially leaving me alone at the tower. I'm still angry at Tony for making me stay back when the rest of my team, my girlfriend, are risking their lives on this mission. I stand on the landing pad until the jet is completely out of sight.

Last night, Tony gave me a ridiculous job to do here, I guess to make me feel important or whatever. I know it's just to keep me busy while they're all away though.

As I slowly make my way to the kitchen for breakfast, I can't help but think about how silent it is now that no one's here. Usually, around this time in the morning, I would hear people working out or sparring in the training room, Tony in his lab testing his suits and blowing things up, and people in the kitchen with me eating breakfast. The silence quickly overtakes me as I fall into thought about my Avengers family.

"Well, this sucks," I talk to myself.

I open the fridge and grab the gallon of milk to fix myself a bowl of cereal, only to see there's not nearly enough left to fill even a Dixie cup. I don't know what comes over me but I can't help but tear up. In frustration, I pour the little milk down the sink and throw the carton away, going into the living room to watch some TV.

I plop myself on the couch and grab the remote, turning on the television. I flip through many channels, nothing catching my interest. Finally, I make the decision to go to Netflix and play The Office in the background while I scroll through my social media for a little while.

"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year." I hear Dwight yell at Jim on the TV as I open my Instagram app. I only scroll for a few minutes before losing interest in it. I close all my apps and toss my phone to the side, focusing my attention on my favorite show. Usually, The Office makes me smile no matter what but for some reason, I can't get myself to find any of this funny. Maybe I'm growing out of it? Is it even possible to grow out of The Office? I didn't think so.

I force myself to watch it for another three episodes then get too bored of watching it. I shut it off and move around the tower in an attempt to find another activity to keep myself busy. It's only been close to two hours since everyone left but it's already so hard to do anything.

After activity searching for another hour and a half, I give up and decide to go onto the balcony for a drink. On my way from my room to the balcony, I stop in the kitchen to snag the whiskey, not bothering to get a glass. I'm already chugging some before I even slide open the glass doors.

The afternoon sun heats my skin, burns it almost. I walk up to the balcony's railings and place my arms on them but immediately rip them away when the scorching metal burns my skin.

Wait.

I slowly place my arms back where they were on the rails, letting the metal burn into my skin. I wince in pain but I don't take my arms away, as much as my body screams for me to. I stand there on the balcony with my arms on the hot metal for ten minutes before I ultimately decide to go back inside to drink.

I slowly lift my forearms off the rails and see dark red burns forming.

Okay.

-

As the sun falls below the horizon, the more my stomach growls at me for any source of nutrients. I haven't eaten all day. Every time I try, I get so close but just when I'm about to eat, I get a sudden sick feeling and can't eat so I end up throwing it away.

-1 hour earlier-

I grow hungry for a sandwich so I hurry to the kitchen and gather the ingredients needed to make a basic cheese sandwich. I'm spreading mayo on the second slice of bread then carefully align the bread to complete my sandwich and put it on a plate. I bring my perfect-looking sandwich to the kitchen table.

Yum. It looks so good.

I lift the snack to my mouth when I suddenly feel nauseous and have to put the food down. I give it a minute before trying again but the second the food touches my mouth, I feel like throwing up.

Fuck. I'm so hungry.

A tear escapes my eye. I abruptly stand up from my seat and trudge over to the trash can. I give my perfect sandwich one last look before sending it into its final destination: the trash.

-Present time-

I'm laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and ignoring my hunger when a new craving sets in. One that I know I can help.

Pain.

I sit up in bed and think. Should I?

You've been through so much. You deserve to release the feelings.

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and pause again but not for long.

No one will know.

I stand and make my way to the bathroom to make a choice I never thought I would.

-

I wake on my bathroom floor the next morning. My eyes puffy and my head spinning. I look around, confused. In my scan of the room, my heart races.

Oh shit.

I'm sitting in a pool of my own blood and my clothes are soaked in it. My left forearm and both thighs are covered in cuts and blood.

No one can know.

I panic and start to tremble as I slowly stand up from the bloody bathroom floor. I turn on the sink and soak a small towel in warm water then sit on the toilet with the seat down to clean the blood from my body. Each time the towel comes in contact with my self-inflicted wounds, I wince but something inside me just wants to drag the towel across my body to open the cuts more. But I don't.

It takes me a while but eventually, the bathroom is all clear of evidence of what I did, and my injuries are wrapped up.

-

Everyone will be home early tomorrow. I'm anxious to see Natasha. The silence here has turned into strong loneliness. I hope I never have to stay here alone ever again.