Illicit Affairs || A.H.

I Almost Do

i always try to tell myself i'm going to update really regularly and often but i always fail to, so i don't know when it'll be that you guys are actually reading this but i think it's safe to apologize already :/

tw for case details and stalking/kidnapping

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Over the following days things just got more and more confusing for you. You didn't know how to act around Aaron ever since he saw you crying outside the BAU. That was a real moment of weakness for you, you didn't normally let yourself get upset over men like that. It's not like you really even cared about your date, you weren't crying about that. Your brain just seemed to overheat with all the recent stress and the floodgates let go again. You were so sick of crying over Aaron Hotchner, but you knew no matter what you did, you wouldn't be able to stop yourself. If you could grab your own shoulders and shake them, you would. You had to stop. He has a wife and a child with said wife, you had no chance and you shouldn't even want a chance. It was simply immoral to even want to break that marriage up. He seemed happy, didn't he?

Whenever you were at home, you found yourself staring at the phone tirelessly. Your hand itched to just pick it up and call him but what were you meant to say? You wanted him to divorce Haley, you just didn't want to be the sole cause of that. You didn't want to have to tell him to do it, it was his choice after all. You chewed on your lip in anxiety, your eyes glued to your phone. Maybe he would call, and you two could talk and he would confess that he couldn't be with her because he loved you so much. Or at least that's what you hoped would happen. It was incredibly difficult to even stop thinking about him, no matter how hard you tried.

Work seemed to get worse and worse by the day. You really struggled to focus on the boring paperwork, it gave you way too much time to think and the last thing you needed was time to ponder your relationships and how badly they were failing. But then, every case you had to work with him was awkward. You struggled to work as a team with him and you hated having to follow his orders, you were sure the other team members noticed too. Morgan seemed to always look at you with pity and Emily struggled on who's side to take. Ultimately, she usually took your side when you and Aaron butted heads and you couldn't be more thankful for your best friend.

You and Emily ended up getting very close. You needed someone to be your rock and your shoulder to cry on. Normally, if this were any other situation, Aaron would've been that for you. But it's not like you could cry about Hotch to Hotch, so you had to find someone else. Turns out Emily Prentiss is very comforting and knows how to make an excellent hot chocolate, and excellent cocktails. One particular night, when you were feeling especially shit, you found yourself picking up your phone to call her at one in the morning.

"Y/N? It's very late." Her groggy and tired voice rang out through the phone. You sniffled, trying to mask the sound of you crying.

"I can't stop thinking about him." You chew on your lip as you wait for her to respond.

"I'm coming to pick you up, be there in fifteen." You could hear her getting up, presumably out of bed, and getting ready to leave.

"Thank you." You mumble and hang up, staying sitting on the floor where you were for what felt like an eternity, until you got a call from Emily to tell you that she was waiting downstairs for you. It took you another few minutes to actually make it down to her car. When you did make it down, you practically flopped down into the passenger seat with a sigh.

"What are we feeling today? Complicated by Avril Lavigne or something happier like Hot 'n' Cold by Katy Perry?" Emily asked, starting to drive. She knew exactly how to help you, and almost every time that meant screaming along to a playlist of songs that the two of you created on one drunken night.