Oh I Do Like Guys, Just Not You (L.S)

Chapter 4

A/N Thank you so much for the reads, votes and almost 30 comments. I love u!

It's not like this was Harry's first kiss or anything, so it shouldn't be such a big deal, and yet the feeling of Louis' closeness rummages his dreams and his every thought, making it hard to sleep, despite of how tired he is.

However, he must have fallen asleep eventually, as he is awoken by bright sunlight shining though his open blinds. He must have forgotten to close them when he and Liam got home yesterday.

After collecting himself a bit last night, he hurried outside, suddenly very aware of the people waiting for him. Luckily, they weren't mad or anything, but instead laying in something resembling a human pile on the cold grass, laughing and talking loudly - clearly more than a bit drunk.

Harry just wanted to go home, overwhelmed by kissing Louis, just to have the spell broken so abruptly and without as much as a word. Honestly, he was just drained, and the others seemed to sense as much, and were quickly headed home.

They walked together for the first few blocks, then him and Liam turned one way, while Zayn and Niall turned another way.

Liam kept pestering him about what was wrong, Harry insisting he was just tired, simply unable to put anything from that night into words. And besides, Liam really shouldn't know, Harry kissed his best friend, even though they usually tell each other everything.

All in all, it's no wonder that Harry spent hours trying to sleep, when his thoughts refused to be quiet for as much as a second. It doesn't help that it's been a while, since Harry felt the sparkling excitement of something new.

His last boyfriend was Nick, and since then there's only been the occasional hook-up, nothing with feelings involved, and Harry doesn't really know if his ready for that right now. Or ever - it didn't exactly end that great between them. Well at least not in Harry's opinion.

Harry and Nick were together half of Harry's freshman year and some of his sophomore year as well before Nick dumped him out of nowhere with the reasoning that Harry was too dependent and insecure. And sure, Harry did need a lot of validation - he always has - but he never thought it an issue until it apparently made him unlovable and annoying.

So, when they broke up about a year ago, Harry only gave himself two weeks of wallowing in self-pity and ice cream tubs, before getting his shit together, determined to stop his constant need for validation in order to have the least amount of confidence, so he could be bearable company.

It's not like he suddenly got confident or anything, but he's good at acting it, terrified he'll scare off any date, if he doesn't control it - or worse, his friends. Thoughts of how they were just too nice to tell him off, kept terrorizing Harry, which is why he spent his post-breakup weeks almost alone, not wanting to be a burden.

However, both Zayn and Niall seem to somehow know, even though Harry never told them the reasoning behind him and Nick's break-up, and they will often compliment his looks or his personality or small things like that.

It shouldn't be a big thing, but to be honest, it means a lot to Harry, and they're a big part of the reason he's so good at acting confident. If someone tells you the same thing enough times, you almost start to believe them. Almost.

When his self-doubts are getting too overwhelming, he has a bad habit of seeking comfort with random guys. Sometimes just a kiss, sometimes more. It's not like he sleeps around constantly for some sort of validation, it's only when he's too close to losing his carefully built façade of confidence and constant happiness.

But even though him and Nick were together for almost a year, none of their kisses - or any of the random guys he has kissed since - made Harry feel like this. Like being on fire while underwater. And so god damn many butterflies.