Juke. ~You only know you love her when you let her go~

First Day Back-Julie

For a while I didn't believe I would be able to get back into my daily routines. It was hard. My dad still had no idea of the story behind Luke. Seeing how much Luke and the boys meant to me, I feel guilty keeping it from him. I was too afraid of what he would think of me, and if he would send me back to Dr. Turner's office. The times in that office after mom died, they were never fun, or helpful. Being in that office just reminded me of why I was there. That enough ruined the whole process.

I tried the best I could to make some sort of excuse behind my moods everyday. Luckily, I was able to sell something. I had simply told him that due to some personal reasons I wasn't able to perform with my band anymore. I don't know if he will find out the real soul-crushing reason. The true reason hurts a lot worse than the fake one would ever.

Then I heard his voice.

"Julie"

I couldn't physically hear the sound, it just seemed to form inside my head. But why had it seemed so real and unintentional.

"Julie"

There it was again. I had no problem recognizing it. It was his. It was Luke's

"Julie"

The voice had changed

My eyes shut open. Not too long till they squinted in result of the morning sun peaking through the curtains. My eyes then met my dad's.

"You ready for today?" He asked

I had almost forgotten it was the first day of school.

"I can't wait to be back" I replied through a yawn and fake smile.

"Hurry and get dressed, I've got breakfast cookin downstairs"

I give him a suspicious look. "Really dad? You? Cooking breakfast?"

"Correction, Tia has breakfast cookin downstairs, but I set the table!"

I laugh. It felt strange, something I haven't often done in a while. He leaves, and I do what he asks. I know it won't be well for me to mope like I did all summer. My life probably would never be the same again, but it could get better. Eventually.

As soon as I'm dressed, breakfast eaten, hair, teeth, etc. I decide to walk to school just to let my mind think to myself for a little bit. Ever since mom died I had never thought I would've felt pain like that again. I was wrong.

One thing I had never understood was the feeling I had felt with my mom that night. I had seriously thought she was there with me, and that everything was going to be okay in the end. Why had things only gotten worse, until it became the worst of all. I don't know why the world seems to always be against me and my happiness.

I was never excited for school again, but I was excited to see Flynn. As my best friend she seems to understand me the most, at least close to how Luke did. Plus, she knew about Luke and the "holograms".

I arrived.

I single feeling of joy, a rare feeling, came inside me as I met Flynn at the front doors.

"Jules!" she cried as she locked me in a very tight and suffocating hug.

Before I could even answer she burst into conversation.

"So, I am beyond excited for music this year! I heard how fun it gets at this age! You have 4th period, right? Just making sure, can you imagine how UN-FUN it would without eachother. i-"

"Woah! Flynn, slow down"  I interrupt.

"Lol, sorry. So 4th period?"

"Flynn, I dropped out of music class this year"

Then she gave me the look.

The look I had definitely seen before.

Her look was disappointed, but also a look of expecting this disappointment.

A look I remember seeing many times after mom died.