Now or Never

Chapter 19: Thankful...?

'It's now or never' I said particularly to no one and I jumped from the railing, closing my eyes. But as I jumped I heard someone yelled my name. That voice, oh that sweet comforting voice is so familiar, and it struck me.

It was Clay's. I shot my eyes open as I was shocked.

How is he here?! I saw him look down the railing and continued to yell my name. I got a glance at him calling someone from the phone and he was crying before I closed my eyes again. As I closed my eyes I felt a droplet of tear slid into my porcelain face as it turned dry from the breeze.

It might sound disturbing but I felt my soul and guts trying to come out of my body as I fell. I felt the air hitting and rushing on my sides as my body rushed towards the deep water.

I want to hug him and tell him it's gonna be okay, tell him sweet things and I love you's. But I know it's not gonna be the same anymore. I wanted peace not pain.

I heard sirens and after that I felt a pang on my back signaling that I've already landed on the water.

I hold my breath, my body getting deeper into the deep water. I opened my eyes and I looked up. I saw the moon lights leaked through the moving water as bubbles started to form from my nose. I tried pushing upwards but I'm too weak. I tried my best and pushed and pushed upwards.

I flop my slim, weak arms. My arms hurt so bad. All my muscles burned. I felt the flesh of my scars wobble with the salty water. It feels like it was being scraped by a burning needle.

I can hear my heart beat thrumming in my ears as it slowly turns into a slow pace. I looked up at the moon. It looks wobbly from beneath. I squinted, making my vision blurrier. I felt my heart being attacked by burning arrows like it was the bullseye.

I felt my eyes trying to combust out of their socket as the oxygen in my lungs faded. I blew my oxygen from my lungs into the water, feeling the tingling sensation from the bubbles in my face. I wanted to push upwards wanting to meet the cold breeze into my face. But I didn't, this is what I want. I wanted this, so,

This is the end. In three(3)... two(2)... one(1), I counted down in my head.

I inhaled, taking my last breath, all the see water rushed through my nostrils and felt them burning through my nose as it filled my lungs and throat and everything.

I closed my eyes and saw white flashing lights and it showed my memories. From bad memories to good memories. The abuse, the coffee shop, when sapnap tripped at the hallway, and when I first met Clay.

I smiled and my vision all turned into dots of darkness. For once I felt peace and I am thankful for it.

Or am I?

______
Kinda short because angst and me aren't the best of friends- I'm so sorry 🥲