The Shadow of Our Past

Need the Rain

Cold rain patters onto my hair as the door shuts behind us. Its tempo picks up as Ben carries me down the sidewalk. He sniffles above me, and I feel a warm raindrop, no, a tear hit my hair. Shifting in his arms, I crane my head to look up at him. His lip is trembling, eyes glossed over with unshed tears. He's doing his best to be strong for me of all people. Before I can say anything, he sets me down by the passenger's side of my car. A hand rests on the small of my back and he opens the car door for me. I'm guided into the car and the door is shut behind me. Ben joins me in the car, wiping a few tears away before starting the car.

We drive in unbearable silence, the soft tapping of rain the only sound between us. I glance over to him, watching another tear streak down his cheek. He doesn't make a sound, only raises a hand up to wipe it away. When we finally arrived at my house, not a word had been shared between us the whole ride.

"Ben," I blurt, the tension in the air snapping like a band that's reached its limit. "Please talk to me. I can't stand this." I'm pleading now, shifting to face him. His shoulders curl in, head falling onto his hands. He painfully sobs, ripping through my heart as his shoulders begin to shake. He's breaking, crumbling walls crashing down in a moment. Helplessness encroaches on my mind as he curls into himself. I've never seen him cry so hard, the violent shaking of his body alarming.

"I can't go home to him, Kira. I can't," he whispers between strangled cries. I know exactly what he's feeling; unbridled fear. It's a helpless feeling I know all too well. It breaks a person down to nothing and leaves them shattered and defenseless.

I reach out a hand to his shoulder. "Ben," I murmur, "look at me." He slowly brings his head up to meet my gaze, eyes swollen and red. My hand moves to rest on his cheek, running my thumb against it tenderly. "You can stay here. We have a spare room you can use."

"Really?" he hesitates, eyes widened in disbelief. I nod and he reaches over the center console, pulling me into a tight hug. "Thank you." He peppers a kiss to my neck and squeezes me tighter.

"We should get inside," I hum against his hair. He grunts in protest, but untangles himself from me anyways. We open our doors simultaneously after Ben pulls the key out of the ignition. I start for the door, but a hand grazing against mine stops me.

Spinning around, I face a soaked Ben. He takes my hands in his, then leans in to rest his forehead on mine. Soft lips press against mine, our hands falling from their grasp. Before I know it, I'm being lifted up by strong arms. My lips part against his with a squeak, hands clutching onto his shoulders for dear life.

"Relax, I'm not going to drop you," he pulls away to say in a rugged voice. "You're too light," he quips and I scrunch my nose up in mock offense. He looks up at me as if I'm an angel, eyes practically sparkling. I giggle, catching him in a quick kiss. "I really don't deserve you, you're too wonderful," he says with something like wonder.

"You're a big sap. But, I think it's the opposite way around," I beam. He chuckles, shaking his head as he sets me down. I throw a wink behind my back and practically skip away. He follows behind me after a few seconds, looking like a puppy with his drenched hair falling in front of his soft eyes.

He joins me at the door and I push it open. A jubilant Maxine rounds the corner, meowing happily as Ben enters. He bends down to greet her, regretting his decision when his wet hands get caked in cat fur. My shoes come off with a squelch and I cringe at the sound, but my heart flutters at the thought of our kiss a few moments earlier and a blush blossoms on my cheeks. Being soaked head to toe was worth it.

"I'm going to change. I'll try to find something that will fit you. There's towels in that closet if you want," I say, pointing at the closet in the hallway of my parents room. I scurry away to my room after he nods, shutting the door behind me. The only decent clothes I find for him are a shirt that's three sizes too big for me and large sweatpants I use for watching movies. I hum in thought as I look at them, trying to imagine Ben squeezing into them. With a shrug and light chuckle, I decide that's the best we have for now. I change into some pajama shorts and a tank top and give myself a quick once over in the mirror. Before leaving the room I scoop up the clothes for Ben, then open the door with a squeak.