The Shadow of Our Past

Shards

Ben and I sit on my couch, my hand clutching his. After two days of school and worried anticipation, we finally have the time to meet Jess's friend, Amy. Ben and I have been reluctant to be openly in a relationship, but that doesn't stop either of us from being affectionate. It feels surreal, as if I'm dreaming this all. But each tender kiss, sneak-attack hug and gentle hand running through my hair reminds me that this is real, that Ben is real.

I let out a shuddering sigh as I think about what is still ahead of us. While the last couple of days have been pure bliss, it can't stay like this forever. Ben wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me tight against him, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "It's gonna be alright, I promise," he murmurs into my hair. I melt into his embrace and close my eyes, letting his intoxicating scent of refreshing ocean mist soothe me as I take a deep breath in.

"Kira?" a voice reluctantly catches my attention from behind the couch. I break away from Ben to look behind us, meeting the eyes of my worried mother. I still haven't told her what happened, but today is the day. I wave for her to sit down, gripping Ben's hand once again. He runs his thumb over my knuckles with one hand and rubs my back with the other in an effort to calm me.

I watch as she takes a seat on a chair diagonal from us, feeling my heart race out of control. She peers back at me with her patient eyes, waiting for me to start. I clear my throat and shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," I squeak out with a tight throat, attempting to hold back tears that already threaten to fall. She doesn't respond, just waits for me to continue. I struggle to find the right words, looking down at my lap and back up to her. "Two years ago, I met a guy over text. I thought he was my age, I was so stupid," I spit out, watching her eyes fill with horror. She already knows. I can't finish, breaking down in tears and crumpling into myself. I sob, my closed eyes watching memories as they flash before my tightly closed eyes.

I hear her stand, then fall to her knees before me, just as Ben had. She pulls me into a warm hug, sniffling into my shoulder as she too cries. I cling onto her, balling as I relive the past and beg for it to leave, "He-" I try to continue, but she cuts me off.

"You don't have to explain," she stutters and I nod, releasing her to wipe the tears from my cheeks. She stands, returning to her seat with a sniffle. I realize Ben let go of my hand, gazing down at me with furrowed brows. I lean into him, needing contact. He wraps a shaking arm around me, but still lets me face her. She is staring down at the carpet, hand rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I should have been there," she whispers, half to herself.

"You couldn't have been, but I need you now," I reason with her. She sighs and nods, sitting back in her chair.

"Do we know who this bastard is?" she spits with a violence I rarely see on her. I look at Ben and he meets my eyes, as if asking for permission to speak. I nod, returning my gaze to my mom.

"He's my dad," Ben explains with a shaky voice. "And he's done far more than what he did to Kira." She nods, watching Ben intently. "He mentally and physically abuses me and my brothers. We also believe he might have done the same thing he did to Kira to other people."

She shutters, looking down at her hands. "And the girl who is coming over today. She's one of those girls?" she questions, looking between the two of us. I nod and watch as she once again looks down, letting her take this all in. We sit like this for a few minutes, each lost in our own minds.

Ben shutters beside me and when I look up to him, his eyes are far away. I shift to look at him fully, bringing a hand to his cheek reluctantly. A single tear falls onto my fingers and I wipe it away, "Ben?" I call to him softly, watching as his eyes slowly lose their far off stare. He eventually finds my eyes and reaches a hand to the one I have cupping his cheek. He smiles with a tinge of sorrow, stroking my knuckles carefully.