Once in a lifetime / harry s.

23 ; months

It's been 7 months.

And I only have 1 month till' I graduate High school and I head off to college.

A lot of things have changed.

Um, let's start with.. I've turned 18!

The adult life sucks but also rocks, I'll just say that.

I've been going to therapy.. Mr. Lee- I mean Michael is super sweet and sometimes I ask him about how college is and everything considering he's only 25 and just got out.

It feels good telling someone about all of the bad things in my life and have them listen to me.

I've actually stopped with the whole thing.

Um, what else?

Oh yeah, Andrea is pregnant. Can't say I didn't see that coming. She's 3 months pregnant, but is still going to school, and her parents support her and Frank so I guess it's all good.

Me and Harry have been apart for about 5 months now, I can't say I don't miss him like crazy, and also his touch and his kisses.

I needed time to myself, and to fix myself and the empty space inside of me. I do love him and he loves me, but I needed this time, and it's actually really helped me being alone, so now I will appreciate company even more.

In that time that me and Harry were together, we did.. things. No, I didn't lose my virginity yet, but we've... bonded in a sexual way.

We still talk here and there, but nothing's the same. I hope it will be once I'm entirely fixed, but it's hard to tell. I just need my friends around me.

I exit the school, since the bell just rung, and head to my car which my mom gave me for my 18th birthday. Claiming I deserved it.

But honestly, I didn't deserve anything. I didn't deserve Harry- or Jesse- or this stupid car. I take a deep breath. I'm going to therapy so I stop thinking this way, but it's hard when I ruin everything.

I open the door, and suddenly someone stands next to me.

A stupid smile takes over my face as he stands there. "Um, hi." I say.

"Hey Isabel," His deep voice says.

We stand there in silence for a fee seconds but he begins to talk. "So, you have therapy today, right?" He asks.

"Yes," I doubt my answer.

"Maybe after we could go to.. Applebee's? Your favorite right?" A half smile on his face.

I smile, but then it wipes off my face. I love him, but I'm not completely ok. "Harry, I promise when this is all over-"

"When it's over? Will it ever be?" He shakes his head as he screams at me.

"Yes, just- not now." A tear dropping down my cheek, but Harry wiping it with his thumb.

"I love you, and I can help you get through this, if only you'd tell me how," He pulls his hair slightly.

I haven't told him about Jesse.

"No Harry, goodbye." I get in my car and drive off. Leaving him in my rearview mirror.

After some hours, I go to my therapy, and wait patiently until they let me come in.

Michael is sitting down, and a smile appears on his face as he sees me.

"Isabel, nice to see you," He stands up and indicates me to sit down in the comfiest blue chair I have ever sat on.

I sit down, and he asks me the usual, how my day was, how I feel, etc.

I don't ever tell him about Harry. I feel like he would judge me for having a relationship just a year after Jesse died.

It's not that I forced myself, Harry just attracted me, and he said a lot of the things I wanted to hear and I just happened to fall in love with him.

Once the hour is done, I head out and so does Michael. He said he would leave early tonight because he had no more appointments for the day.

We both head out together and I laugh at a joke he said. He walks me to my car and we stand there for a few seconds as I open my car.

"Um, I don't usually do this, but.. can we maybe.. go out to eat? Tomorrow?" A smile on his face.

I widen my eyes. What? I'm waiting to be recovered so I can go back to Harry. I cannot agree to this.

"Oh, I'm sorry. But.. I already," I start.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know," He says, not letting me finish.

"Thank you for understanding." I say and plant a small kiss on his cheek.

"My job is to understand?" He laughs, making me laugh as well.

He grants me a smile, and walks off with a wave.

What just happened.

~~~~

"So you didn't want to go out with me, but with that stupid therapist you do?" I read Harry's text.

"What?" I send.

"I went to give you flowers and chocolates and other shit you girls like and I see you kissing his cheek and by your car? If you don't love me anymore you should've just told me so!" The text read.

"Harry, I told him no. Just stop making problems." I type.

"Fine. Ur the problem anyway. always have been. When ur 'all fixed' go w the fucking therapist!" Tears started falling from my eyes. This is all my fault. Everything always is.

I hate myself.

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