The basketball diaries - Leonardo DiCaprio fanfic

19

It's a weird feeling to wake up in someone else's bed; especially when it's someone you usually hate. I open my eyes with a loud yawn and expect to see Jim cuddled up next to me but the space is empty. 

I sit up and gaze around the room. A relieved sigh leaves my mouth as I see Jim on the fire escape outside his window. He's smoking a cigarette and his hair is messily flying with the wind. 

I stand up from the bed and slowly approach the window. With an awkward smile I climb out onto the balcony and look around at the view of this Inwood neighborhood. 

"Good morning." I smile. 

He huffs something in response and gives me a short, irritated glance. Oh come on! Does he always have to be grumpy?

"Can I have one?" I ask, nodding toward his package of cigarettes.

He nods and holds out one for me.

"Thank you."

I'm not a smoker but it's a good way to kill awkwardness and right now I have a lot of it to kill. I'm usually not the weird, quiet girl who trembles every time she talks, but right now I can barely lift the cigarette to my lips.

Finally I give up because Jim keeps looking at me weirdly. I put back his cigarette and quickly climb back through the window. If he wants to make everything a hard time then go ahead! I couldn't care less!

With an exasperated sigh I bump down onto his hard bed and stare up at the wall. He has a bunch of different articles from magazines pinned to his wall. They're all written about him. Jim Carroll scored that, Jim Carroll did that, Jim Carroll saved his team, Jim Carroll blah blah blah. Since when did he turn into some sports hero? He's a freaking high school ball player with a bad attitude, nothing else.

"You getting jealous?" a voice asks from behind me and I quickly spin around on the bed to face Jim. He has a smug look on his face and for some reason it makes my face grow hot.

"No. Honestly I don't understand what they're so impressed over. You're not that of a good player..." I say cockily.

Jim laughs and gives me an unimpressed look. "Oh yeah? Stand up and say that to my face then."

Excuse me? He doesn't have the position to tell me what to do! But at the same time I'm not scared of him anymore so I quickly stand up and walk up to him. Not until our faces are only inches apart (and he has to tilt his head down for this to even be possible) I open my mouth:

"You're not that of a good player. And you don't scare me."

"Who said I scared you?" he whispered mockingly. "I think someone's a little lovey-dovey with me?"

I gasp. "No! I don't even like you."

"Sure you do. Every girl likes me. Especially nerds like you."

"I don't think so."

"You bet your ass they do. Nerdy girls are always the most crazy in bed too, and I know that from experience, cutie."

"You know what? You need to go to church!" I spit. "And that's exactly what my plans are for the moment so goodbye and never talk to me again."

I'm about to leave the room but Jim pulls me back into his arms which quite frankly surprises me. I should yell for him to let go of me, but I stand quiet and let his warmth travel over to my body.

"Do you really not like me?" he asks in a low voice.

"W-what?" I stutter.

"Yeah, you said you don't like me?"

"Jim, I-" My heart is literally beating out of my chest right now. 

"Don't lie to me. I know you feel something."

"So what if I do?" I ask, my breath shaking.

"I don't know..." he whispers. 

I'm so close to him that a small wind from the window would make our lips connect. At the moment there is nothing I want more than to have him kiss me. But at the same time I know this is all a part of his stupid mind tricks and even if he kisses me I know it means nothing to him. From the short time I've known Jim I've got to know that he is apparently not someone who sticks to one girl. Do I really want to be a part of that?

A shocked gasp escapes my mouth as Jim's lips connect with mine. It's so soft but fiercefull at the same time. When our tongues connect I fall into his arms and I let him hold me, praying he won't let go. I can taste the smoke in his breath and I would have hated it at any other occasion. 

"Okay. Time to go to church." I stutter and break the kiss, stepping as far away from Jim as the room allows.

"Are you some hardcore catholic or something?" Jim asks with an amused smile.

"Yeah? Aren't we all?"

He rolls his eyes, leaning down to the floor to pick up his jacket. "I'm not. Not anymore. It's all fucking bullshit anyways."

I let my mouth drop open. How can he say such things?

"But you go to a catholic school?"

"And? I go to it because I got a scholarship. Not because I actually believe God is up there watching over me like some freaking perve." 

The discussion is just way too much to handle so I turn on my heels and head for the door but Jim stops me this time too.

"No. Let's take the window. I don't want my parents thinking I'm fucking a little preppy christian, or do we?" he smiles and I hit him on the shoulder.

I climb out the window before Jim, and I blush as I can literally feels his eyes on my butt. We make our way down the fire escape and soon we're down on ground level.

"Where are you from anyways?" Jim asks as we start walking.

"Well, not from here. New Jersey."

"New Jersey? Hmph. Well, I'm not from here either."

"Really?" I ask, thinking he'll say he's from across the globe or something.

"I'm from south east Manhattan actually." he says instead.

"Oh, how great." 

Jim suddenly comes to a dead stop and I look at him with raised brows.

"I'm not really digging this whole going to church thing. I think I'll skip."

"Oh, okay?"

Jim gives me a crooked smile. "Maybe you can skip it too and we'll go do something else."

"Really?... Well, next time maybe."

"All right. Next time." he smirks and starts walking backwards, away from me.

"Next time." I repeat with an awkward nod.

Next time? There will be no next time. I can tell myself a hundred times that Jim likes me but that won't make it true. Sure, we've kissed and I like how me makes me feel but it will never be more than that. I can only imagine how my life would turn into hell if I let him in. But what if I just let him in a little?...

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