Fragile

Chapter 10

"Fayyyyyyy," Kiera whined. "Come on, I told you it's just between us, okay? There's nothing to be embarrassed about." 

I clutched my pillow tightly over my head, buried in my blankets. Ever since the awkward conversation with Kiera over "a woman's bodily needs", I haven't been able to face her. Or anyone for that matter. Even under my pillow I squirmed with utter humiliation. 

"These things are normal, Fay," she sat at the edge of my bed in hopes of coaxing me out to attend another swim meet. 

It wasn't the feeling that wasn't normal, but the fact that I didn't know about it... "Just go without me," my muffled voice muttered.

"I know this is a lot and you must be super embarrassed but I'm telling you it's fine. Are you just never going to leave this room?" 

I knew she was right of course. In any other situation, girls my age didn't act like this. They talked about boys and their butterflies and probably even their "horny" thoughts. But the problem was these girls knew about their body. I was only beginning to realize how little I knew about my own bodily needs, about how naive I was to think I could pretend I hadn't been isolated for 16 years of my life. Even though Kiera probably thought I was weird and anti social, at least she didn't yet suspect the truth. 

After I had questioned Kiera about my newfound "needs", she was surprisingly supportive. She immediately took me to a bookstore and grabbed all kinds of pre teen self help books. I was not ignorant to the part where all the books applied to pre teens. "These are the books my mom gave me when I started having these feelings," she had said. 

Those same books now poked my side through the blanket as they rested on my bed, sinking into the crevice my body had formed. After a moment I took a deep breath, relaxing my grip on the pillow. Despite seeming like a complete nutcase, Kiera was still kind. She had promised to keep my secret and even offered help without knowing my background. I wondered now if her knowing my background would make a difference. 

When I finally sat up to face her, though, her smile only held warmth. It reminded me of the warm smile Nurse Lucy used to give me every time she walked into my room. The kind she had given me when I had made eye contact for the first time or spoke my first words. 

"I picked out something super cute," she said, pulling me up gently. 

"Kiera?" 

"Hm?" she gently handed me a pair of shorts and a blouse. 

"Why are you so nice to me?" 

I had expected some sort of reaction to my bluntness, but Kiera appeared to be unfazed. "Why wouldn't I be?" 

"Why wouldn't I be nice to you?" Nurse Lucy mused. 

"Because I'm a freak." 

"You're not a freak. You just need a little bit of support." 

"Don't you find me... weird?" I tested the waters, unable to make eye contact. 

She sighed. "I'll admit I've noticed some things that are a bit off about you." I stiffened. "But everyone has their baggage, you know? I'm not the kind of person who likes to judge based on those things." 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" 

She waved her hand to cut me off with a smile. "Relax. I'm not mad, I'm just saying I wouldn't judge you. Ready to go?" 

****

I wished I could say I wasn't disappointed that Noah wasn't life guarding the meet. It made sense, considering he was in horrible shape the last time we had met, but I couldn't help feeling a little uneasy that he wasn't there. Had his condition gotten worse? Was he in trouble again? Was he avoiding me? 

"Oh shit, isn't that the lacrosse captain?" Kiera suddenly spoke, pulling me out of my trance. 

I followed her finger to see a tall, buff man holding his lacrosse stick while others flanked around him. It was extremely obvious he was in charge, with an intimidating demeanor and sharp authoritative eyes. But most notably, him and 3 guys flanking him were battered and bruised. The leader had a swollen, purple jaw and split knuckles clenched around his stick. His eyes met mine with a wave of hostility so shocking I could've burst into tears. 

"Did they get in a fight?" I asked Kiera softly. 

"Something tells me it wasn't from a lacrosse game," she tsked. 

"But... why are they glaring at me?" 

I felt Kiera's arm wrap around my shoulders protectively. "Is there a reason you can think of?" 

I shook my head. Aside from the party, I had no interactions with the lacrosse team. Even then, I spent most of the night in the hospital after being drugged. But the only ones who knew of the interaction were Charles and... Noah. 

Noah, who I had found in a bush a few nights ago. Noah, who was covered in blood and bruises. Noah, who had punched Charles the night of the party on impulse because he assumed Charles had drugged me. But surely Noah wasn't so reckless as to attack the entire lacrosse team? 

"Shit, shit, they're coming," Kiera's whispered voice panicked. 

I nearly screamed when I felt a foreign hand encase my wrist. "Follow me." 

I looked over at Kiera, who was just as shocked as I was, but she let the man in question pull us away from the bleachers. A familiar clean manly scent hit my nose. "Noah?" 

Noah didn't answer, pulling us to the parking lot. Once he checked the lacrosse guys weren't following, he let out a small exhale. "You really have no sense of self preservation." 

"Excuse me?" I gasped. 

"I'm Kiera," Kiera held out her hand to Noah, oblivious to my moral dilemma beside her. 

Noah didn't take her hand. "Stay away from the lacrosse team," he ordered. 

"Why do I need to listen to you?" 

Kiera elbowed me. "Be nice," she chastised with a laugh. I scowled. "You're so kind to take care of Fay-" 

"have you forgotten what happened last time?" Noah completely ignored Kiera. 

"What about you?" I argued, gesturing to his bruises. "Are you just going to go beat up a lacrosse guy if I don't?" 

He locked his jaw. Kiera looked back and forth between the two of us as if the tension in the air was visible. I barely even registered her excuse to "check on Charles" as I glared at Noah, analyzing his visible bruising that was now turning an ugly shade of yellow. 

"For someone who acts like she's fragile, you sure seem intent on breaking," he seethed. "You know what happened at the party." 

"It's not like I knew they would be here," I retorted. "I'm also not the one who started a fight." 

"Are you under the impression I did it for you?" 

Yes. "Then why would you get in a fight you're bound to lose?" I demanded. "It's clear you were outnumbered. Why do you go around punching people impulsively like that?" 

He scowled. "Stop acting like you know what happened." 

"Then why can't you tell me? Defend yourself, even?" 

"Why can't you just stop throwing yourself in these situations?" 

"I should be saying that to you!" 

Noah sighed, clearly unsure of how to answer. I had finally backed him into a corner. But problem was, I didn't expect him to bite. "If you want to go and get raped or beaten to death, go on ahead. I won't stop you. But when it does happen, don't act like it isn't your fault." 

I flinched at his harsh words as he turned on his heel. Before I even realized what came over me, I caught his wrist. "Why are you always the one who decides when to leave and when to stay?" 

He pulled his wrist out of my grip. "Maybe if you weren't so fragile, I wouldn't want to break you."