Fragile

Chapter 35

In my unconscious state, I found myself wondering what happened to Seth. It was weird to feel a little guilty that he was probably going to be arrested, like some weird form of Stockholm Syndrome. Even though Seth terrified me, even though I knew he was a complete psychopath, I still felt a pang of sadness at the thought of him spending life in prison, maybe even death row. Was the death penalty legal in Colorado? I wasn't sure. 

I thought about Kiera, who I had stormed out on before I was kidnapped. Did she feel guilty? I hoped she didn't blame herself for what had happened. I wondered if there was even a slight possibility that out of the girls they rescued from the warehouse, one of them would be Kiera's sister. She deserved closure, even if I knew deep down in my heart she would probably never get it. 

I thought about Nurse Lucy. I had so many questions I wanted to ask her. Why didn't she tell me about Noah? Why did she agree to take care of me? Was I really just a patient she was tasked with, or something more? 

I pondered over the entire first year of college, the party, meeting Kiera, the botched sting... as if my mind was purposefully avoiding thinking about Noah's role in everything. How was I supposed to know what parts of my life were me and what parts he had orchestrated? 

My mind flashed to the first time I saw Noah. Not as a college student, but as the scrawny twelve year old boy. I lot had changed in those ten years. Adult Noah was bigger, stronger, tougher. Little Noah was so soft, so weak and childlike, but as an adult it seemed as if it had all vanished. When he first confronted me outside the dorm, he seemed so cold, heartless at the core. I wondered if I would've recognized him if he had resembled his childlike self more. Part of me struggled to believe they were even the same person, if it weren't for the telltale dimples, which rarely showed themselves. It was easy to forget he had them. 

"You'd never forget me, right Noni?"  my little voice was small and squeaky from crying under the dome. The very last night I saw little Noah; I didn't know the weight of my question then. 

He shook his head frantically, doe eyes wide. "Never." 

I was shocked at the time; it was the first time I had ever heard Noah's voice. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, for fear he would go back into his shell, but I ended up bursting into more tears. Noah didn't smell the greatest, probably from living on the street, and his nurturing skills were subpar, but to me his little arms wrapped around me had been the best feeling in the world. It was there, under that dome, I felt safe for the first time in a very long time. 

I looked up at little Noah, and poked his cheek, right where his dimple would be. He looked startled. I let out a wet giggle. "your voice is pretty," I complimented. 

There they were; his dimples made a shy appearance as his cheeks heated up and he tried to squelch a smile. It was my favorite thing, to make Noah smile back then. I was starting to realize even now, that was my favorite thing. 

"Fay." 

"Fay." Noah's voice was deeper now. "Why isn't she waking up?" 

"Could it possibly be the part where she was imprisoned for two weeks with limited food and water? Overwhelming stress and trauma?" Kiera's voice was impressively sarcastic. "Oh wait, right. You dropped her on her fucking head." 

"Seth fucking dropped her-" 

"You tripped Seth!" 

"Will both of you shut the fuck up?" Charles grumbled. "I'm surprised Fay can even sleep with all this arguing." 

"The door is over there, traitor," Kiera snapped. 

I groaned internally, wondering if I should even let them know I was awake.