Fragile

Chapter 38

It was hard enough trying to convince Noah to let me go to class on my own, let alone to run a sex trafficking program for the girls that were just rescued, me included. It was even more difficult to bring it up when I didn't even feel confident in the decision myself. Who was I to be the spokesperson for this program? What qualifications did I have to help these girls through a trauma I was still processing myself? Hell, what I went through in that short span of time was nothing compared to the trauma these girls probably faced. Nothing compared to the trauma the girls we couldn't find were still facing. 

On top of that, Noah was busy working with the police to develop their case as they prepared for trial. I had finals and studied with Kiera during the day, but I couldn't seem to focus on any of the material. I was still too afraid to be in Noah's dorm by myself, or anywhere alone for that matter. I got dirty looks on campus from students, particularly lacrosse players and fans, as if the major sex trafficking scandal was water under the bridge in comparison to the girl who cried wolf and ruined their season. Kiera said we were supposed to be heroes for what we did, but in reality it felt like anything but. 

I let out a shriek as a hand caught my shoulder, which was quickly muffled by a hand. "Sorry, sorry, it's just me," Noah said quickly as he came into view. "I didn't mean to scare you. I tried calling your name, but you were out of it." 

He wrapped his arms around me as I took slow breaths to regulate my breathing, heart still slamming against my ribcage. I inhaled his familiar scent as I buried my nose in his jacket, slowly feeling the tension release from my shoulders. Noah wiped at the corners of my eyes that had shed a spare tear as he whispered comforting words and apologies. 

"I'm sorry." my voice came out shaky. 

"It's not your fault, baby," he soothed, stroking my hair. "What were you thinking about? I was calling for you for awhile." 

Everything. "Nothing really, just stressed about finals," I said. It was only a partial lie. Finals were stressing me out. "I can't focus on studying at all." 

He gave me a sympathetic smile. "Sorry baby. I'd help, but I really only enrolled as a cover." 

I couldn't help but roll my eyes, a small smile forming. I missed when we joked around without walking on eggshells around each other. I didn't want Noah to see me as fragile, even if I knew deep down I was. It seemed like ever since I was rescued, the jokes and laughs had died. Not that we got along much before, we fought more often than not... I wished I knew what I wanted. 

Noah walked me back to his dorm (our dorm?) and locked all 3 locks on the door (a new addition to the room) before turning to face me. I immediately tensed at the troubled look on his face. "What's wrong?" 

He sighed and sat directly in front of me. "I know I promised I would start telling you everything," he said, avoiding eye contact. "But I wanted to wait since I know this has been hard on you-" 

"What happened?" I cut him off. 

He sighed. "Just give me a second to explain, okay? Promise?" 

I pursed my lips, but nodded anyways and placed my hands on my knees rather impatiently. If it weren't such a serious situation, I imagined Noah would have laughed, but it was not the time nor place to be making jokes. The air was a lot thicker than before. 

"After your mother showed up on campus, I had Charles look into her background," he admitted. "Of course, I knew the details of the accident on my end, and I also knew your mother was schizophrenic. Turned out, she had gone missing from the psych facility about a month after you came to campus." 

Though that information was unsurprising, I still felt tension building in my chest and throat. It was around the time I began to get letters and photos from my mother as well, so the timeline added up. "Why are you telling me this?"