Fragile

Chapter 20

When I was in the basement, I used to daydream for hours. It was my favorite thing (and one of the only things) to do. I had multiple different worlds, and each day I got to create new ones. Nothing was off limits in my imagination, but my favorite was a playground. 

There wasn't much to this world, in fact it was very static in comparison to the other worlds I had built. This world wasn't supernatural, there weren't fun, crazy adventures, but for some reason I loved it. If nostalgia had a world, the playground was mine. I would watch kids playing together. None of them ever saw me, I was just a shadow looking in, but hearing giggles and childish screams would make me smile. 

There were times I wondered if the playground from my daydreams was actually a memory from before the basement, but as the years passed my playground became less and less clear, and the daydream slowly lost its shape. 

I stared at the ceiling of Noah's dorm room, breathing in his smell as I laid on his sheets. Did those girls that were trafficked have a world they could go to? Did they have old memories to refer to when they were scared? Where could they hide from their own fears when their body physically couldn't? Did they have family searching for them, missing them?

Noah let out a groan from the floor. After the incident with the door and Kiera's outburst, I ended up staying with Noah for the night. However, he tossed and turned all night. I wondered if he was restless because of how uncomfortable the floor was, or for other reasons. I wondered if Noah had fears that kept him up at night, just like me. I wondered what his past was, and what his secrets were. 

My stomach clenched when he let out a low grunt of pain. I hated hearing pain. I knew no one liked hearing others in pain, aside from sadists. But even the smallest whimpers managed to make my gut clench. Noah was no exception. In fact, his whimpers seemed to hurt even more. Someone so strong and fearless, someone so unafraid of death, was whimpering on the floor below me. I had been debating waking him for the past few hours, but every time I finally caved and decided to help, he would fall silent. 

After another whimper, I caved once more and crawled off the bed, kneeling beside his distressed form. "Noah," I whispered gently. "Noah, wake up." 

He turned and clutched my arm, fingers trembling. I felt tears prick my eyes. Fuck, I was really crying again? It hadn't even been twenty four hours since my last cry session. 

"Noah-" 

I yelped, wind knocking from my lungs as I hit the ground. I struggled to reinflate my lungs as my vision blurred slightly. Noah loomed over me, still half asleep but with his forearm pressed against my throat painfully. The air I was struggling to use to inflate my lungs got trapped by my blocked throat. I clawed at Noah's forearm, thrashing under him. 

And then the weight was gone. I turned on my side, gasping for air and coughing frantically. I was barely able to hold my torso up, and I had to try to focus on not throwing up. 

"Fay?" 

I flinched when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and he jerked it away. "W-what... the..." I wheezed, the words burning on my throat. 

Noah knelt in front of me, eyes wide with concern. "Don't talk," he murmured. "God, Fay, I'm so sorry. Let me see." 

I shied away from his touch. He looked absolutely guilt stricken, like I had punched him. Even though I shied away, he didn't try to touch me again. His eyes were glassy. I had never seen Noah cry before, so when a tear fell from his eye, I let out a small gasp. 

"Fay, I'm so sorry," he insisted. "Please, just let me help you. You can hate me after all you want, but please." 

I wasn't afraid of Noah. Truthfully, even in the beginning I was never really afraid of him. Even now, when breathing hurt like hell, I wasn't afraid. I was afraid, though, not of Noah, but of whatever monster managed to make Noah react like he did. Who made Noah so afraid even in his dreams?