Fragile

Chapter 26

After a failure, there was usually two options. Try again, or give up. After the botched operation at the social, giving up wasn't an option, but neither was trying again. There wasn't going to be another social, so how could we try again? How many chances did we have left, if any? 

"Sometimes I wish we could be regular college students," Kiera sighed in the library. "But at the same time, sitting here and acting like regular college students makes me antsy." 

"I get what you mean," I nodded. It seemed impossible to go back to being an ignorant college student after everything that happened that semester. Studying for exams felt trivial, typical student life seemed irrelevant. It was hard to not feel guilty anytime I engaged in student life, knowing that while I was fooling around and living, hundreds of girls were still waiting for our team to rescue them. 

But were we the team they needed? We were just four college kids, not professionals. Aside from Noah, none of us had any experience in trafficking operations. Then there was my mother, who somehow escaped the mental facility and found me. Where she was or how long she would hide was unknown. Would she show herself, or wait until I went insane? What was her plan? What did she want? 

I knew there was a reason my mother was this way. There had to be. I knew I had stayed all that time because of it, yet I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember anything before the basement, couldn't remember why we hid there in the first place. Why couldn't I remember? 

I rubbed my temples, getting to my feet. "I'm gonna get some air." 

Kiera hummed distantly in response, lost in thoughts of her own. I wondered if she was thinking about her sister. If part of her hoped that this operation would help find her. I wondered if this mission was somehow a way to cope with her guilt, and I wondered if there was a way to comfort her. But I wasn't good at those things; I didn't even know how to comfort myself. No amount of words would bring her sister back, or undo the damage already done. It seemed cruel to point it out once more. 

I wasn't expecting to bump into Charles at the library exit. Nor was I expecting him to talk to me. "Hey." 

"Hey." I avoided eye contact. After the social, I wasn't exactly keen to be around Charles. Not only had he hidden his identity, but the fact that he was involved in the operation from the beginning had me wondering why he approached Kiera and me. Suddenly the spiked drink seemed like more than an accident, and his presence more of a red flag. 

"Can we talk?" 

I wanted to say no. I wanted to say I didn't want to go anywhere near him, especially alone. As far as I was concerned, he wasn't to be trusted, and I was already irritated for trusting him thus far. "Sure." 

I kept my distance on the bench when he sat down, making it very clear I was uncomfortable. As much as I didn't trust him, I also didn't have the capacity to reject his offer; if it had to do with the operation, it was more important than my own feelings. 

"I can understand why you don't trust me," he said. "And I'm really sorry. I never intended..." he trailed off, as if realizing he was about to lie. "I'm sorry if my secret affected our friendship." 

I wasn't sure how to respond. It didn't seem all that heartfelt, if I was honest. It wasn't like I was super close to Charles, but I knew Kiera was. Kiera trusted him, and he broke that trust. He broke mine too, but I couldn't help but feel responsible. I wished I could have warned Kiera. I wished I had known he was suspicious. I wished I knew why Noah trusted him. 

"That night, at the party," I clenched my fists in my lap, taking a deep breath. Now or never. "My spiked drink. That wasn't an accident, was it?"