Morose ✔️

3

I woke up to my phone vibrating under my pillow. I pulled it out, not even having the energy to be pissed, and looked at the screen. Jesse Stevens is calling. I let my head fall back down on the pillow while my finger lazily slid across the screen and tapped the speaker button.

"I was sleeping," I muttered, closing my eyes and hugging the pillow tight, trying not to let the comforting warmth and tiredness leave my body.

"Sorry, I just wanted to know you were still alive." His voice was low, yet somehow amused.

"I am. Goodbye."

My voice came out a lot angrier than I meant it to, but I didn't mind it.

"No, wait!" He sounded way more stressed than necessary, considering I hadn't even lifted a finger to try to end the call, so he had all the time in the world. "I'm also sorry I dragged you to the clubhouse the other night, I should've just taken you home, or possibly admitted you to the hospital, considering—"

"Considering what?" I interrupted. I tried to snap at him, but, well, not enough energy..

There was music in the background, loud noises muffled, like he wasn't directly with the noises, and I immediately knew he was at that house again— with him. I opened my eyes, slowly turned to look at my window and saw no light entering behind the curtains. I'd slept through the day, and yet I was still tired.

Jesse sighed on the other side of the call, I knew he ran his hand through his hair at the same time. He made some weird noise resembling something one makes when they don't know what to say, before saying, "Considering your condition." He paused, and even though the music was kind of annoying when I couldn't hear what song was playing, it was oddly calming having someone to talk to.

Before I could try to listen for more lyrical clues, he spoke again. "Look, I'm worried about you. What you're going through is hard and I've seen your friends out a lot the past few months, but I hadn't seen you until I found you by the river. You're alone. I don't want you to be alone, so please let me know if there's anything I can do to help—" He stopped abruptly, as if he was going to say something more, but I also heard a knock and a muffled, dark voice before he said, "I've got to go, but you can call me whenever, Livy, text me or whatever, I don't care, I'm here, alright?"

"Mhm."

The three beeps that signaled he hung up woke me up a bit more, and I glanced at the screen, seeing his texts asking if I was okay. Nothing else happened on my phone for twenty-four hours. Nothing.

No one sent any messages. It was like I was back to those days after, when my phone laid deadly still, even though the word had gone out to our extended family and other friends. My blood went cold as I thought about it, not getting a single call, not a single flower on my doorstep, though I knew my mom had gotten many.

No one cared. No one thought about me. Like they knew what I knew, that it was my fault.

Well, Jesse cared a bit... at least now, after he realized how bad I was doing— how badly I wanted it to just stop.

Shit. I sighed and tried not to think. My own thoughts were my greatest enemy, and at that moment I didn't want to, or had even the slightest interest in, engaging in another battle with my mind— so I just closed my eyes and hoped I'd fall asleep again.

-

My days consisted mostly of sleeping, laying under the warm covers because I didn't have the energy to leave them, and forcing myself to get up now and then to eat some instant noodles. I was way behind on my schoolwork, thanked myself for staying in school and receiving enough money for that to pay the bills while I still wasn't sure if I was going to live until I needed a job.