Ryeji - What is love?

Chapter 57 - Ready

POV | Jihoon
"So what is it like to have Ryujin as your cousin?" Mama's mom asked when we got to our table. "She is really nice. I love her a lot." I said while eating my strawberry ice cream. "Lia would love this ice cream, wouldn't she?" I looked at my sister. Kwan nodded. "How's Yeji been to you guys?" She asked us. "Very nice." Kwan said. "That's my daughter if you didn't know.." I leaned my head on Kwan's shoulder. "We knew." Mama's mom said, "You two look exactly like Ryujin and Yeji. Did you know they tried to have a baby?" I widened my eyes a bit, "They did?" That would be our other sister or brother. "Yeah.. they uh.. lost the baby over a week ago." Before we met them. Wow. We must have changed their lives in a way. "Aww.. what happened?" Kwan asked. "How old are you two?" I said, "6." Kwan said, "7." Mama's mom nodded. "Well they didn't want to have the baby.." I blinked, "Why?" She ate some ice cream, "Yeji wasn't ready." So she's not ready to have us as kids? I looked down. "Isn't that giving up on a life?" Kwan asked. "Well you'll have to ask Yeji about her opinion.. I think she made the right choice.. she's 19, she's not ready to have kids." I whispered in Kwan's ear. "T-then maybe she's not ready for us.." Kwan looked at me and then put a spoonful of strawberry ice cream in my mouth. "Mama loves us Ji." She whispered. I bit my lip. "So how did you guys end up with Ryujin today?" I didn't know what to say. "Our appa dropped us off.." Appa. I hated appa. He'd always yell at me and tell me I wasn't good enough when I did something bad in school. That's why I like Mommy and Mama. They don't hurt me or tell me that I'm not good enough. Last night I saw them cuddling. Kwan and I stayed up watching them. They love each other a lot. I never knew girls could like girls. I remember seeing Mama cuddle Mommy and say, "I love you mommy.." Then Mommy played with her hair, "I love you too.." Thats where Kwan and I almost got caught. We quickly laid next to them and went to bed. Mama's mom said, "So your appa is Ryujin's uncle?" Kwan nodded, "Y-yes.."

POV | Kwan
Yeji had a baby? This was now starting to make sense. I hid behind the wall and listened to her cry. "Ah fuck I'm so sorry.. I should have never even took off the pill.." What was that supposed to mean? I remember Mama would make funny noises if someone tried to say 'fuck' but I remember our father saying it all the time. "I'm just a bad leader.. I'll never be the best." Leader of Itzy? Mama is the perfect leader.. she shouldn't say that. "I screwed up.. I put myself before Ryujin.. I know she wanted that baby so bad.. and I'm sure she's still mad at me for giving up.." She put herself before mommy? She gave up on the baby? But why? I would really like to have another sibling.. who cares if she's 19? "God I'm so stupid.." Poor mama. "I sure as hell hope MIDZY doesn't make the same mistake as me.. they should love theirselves and not care about what others think.. but I'm the complete opposite." Does that mean she doesn't love herself? Does that mean
she cares about what others think? "I'm so stupid-" And that's when I cut in to help her. Now that I think about it.. I may have saved their lives. Somehow. They must have been really sad about losing the baby. "Kwan?" Jihoon looked at me. I blinked a couple times, "Yeah?" I looked ahead to see that Mama's mom was paying at the front. "So.. they had a baby.." I nodded, "Yeah.. how do you feel about that?" I asked my brother. "Well.. it's definitely disappointing that they gave it up but one thing that made me shocked was that.. mama wasn't ready for kids.. and now look at us.. breaking into their lives.. do you think they even want us?" Jihoon asked me. "I-I don't know.. I'm sure they love us though.. I sure hope so.." I hugged Jihoon, "Let's continue with the cousin thing okay?" He nodded. "Alright guys.. I'm gonna text Yeji and we'll see if I can take you guys home.." Mama's mom came over. "Alright." I said, getting up to throw away my ice cream cup. Jihoon did the same. I held his hand, and took him back to the table. I guess I always have been the big sister and looked out for him. I've known him my whole life. "Okay.. kids follow me.." Mama's mom started to walk. I followed her. One thing that I really liked about myself is that I listened to people. If mommy wanted me to call her cousin Ryujin in front of mama's mom, then I would. If mommy wanted me to be good then I'll be good. Jihoon could be the opposite sometimes. I would usually have to go down to the office with him in school because he wouldn't listen to our father. That's when our father hit us and dropped us off to that bench. Everyday we spent time waiting. "Appa! Appa I'm sorry! Come back! I'm starving.." Mama and mommy welcomed us in and gave us food. I loved them for that. Being 7 and 6 alone on a bench in the middle of a park was hard. "Let's just eat.. that candy bar over there!" I remember pointing to a candy bar that was by the trash can. We had to find our food around the park. We drank water from the river and one day we found a blanket. When it was winter, we used that blanket. My father told me not to do this but I didn't have a choice so I went up to strangers. I asked for food, money, blankets, or something... most of them just left without saying anything. You'd get a quarter every once in awhile. One person told us that we were just kids wanting to buy drugs. My father used drugs. I didn't really know what those were though. When I saw mama crying, I thought maybe this could be another chance. I was used to going up to strangers by then but something felt weird about her. I don't exactly know what but she believed me and took me up to her house. And then we met mommy. Mommy is the nicest person on earth. She's always so nice to me. But I kinda like mama more. Jihoon told me we look alike. And I guess I can see it. We both have cat eyes. I think Jihoon and mommy look alike. There's a lot of things that they have in common. I've only known mommy and mama for a day but it feels like it's been longer. "Okay kids.. they're done filming so just knock on the door.." Mama's mom walked off. She wasn't as nice as mama. I made knuckles and knocked on the door. Mama opened the door, "Kwan! Jihoon!" I giggled, jumping in her arms, "I missed you mama.." Mama hugged me, "I missed you too Kwan.. did you have fun?" I looked over to see Jihoon in mommy's arms. But I didn't care. I liked mama now. "Yes it was fun.. Jihoon got strawberry ice cream and made a mess!" Mama smiled, wiping something off my face. "It's look like you made a mess too!" I pouted, "I'm messy.." Mama
kissed my cheek, "That's alright Kwan.. would you like to take a shower? Mommy and I want to take you out to a restaurant.." I looked at Mama, "I-I haven't took a shower in a year.." She set me down, "Do you need me to help you?" I nodded, holding her hand. "Or do you want mommy to help you?" I shook my head, "I like mama more." She pouted, "Aww.. I love you Kwan.." Mama gave me a hug. "I love you mama.." She kissed my forehead, taking me into the bathroom. "Alright.. so this is gonna be a little loud but don't worry okay?" Mama stepped into the shower, turning the water on. It was loud.