Than to Have Never Loved at All

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I was so nervous about my first Alt Dance meeting that it was all I could think about even when I was definitely supposed to be thinking about my Spanish homework.

voy, vas, va,

I toggled off the Spanish work page on my school Chromebook. Most of the good sites were blocked, but a kid in my class found a game site that was still usable and a wave of stick-figures-fighting-goats games had swept through the eleventh grade class. I clicked on a game but before it loaded I tabbed back to my Spanish homework optimistically.

vosotros, van

I tabbed back to the game then picked up my phone. Nat was supposed to call. I wanted to complain about everything. I wanted to complain about how her getting me in trouble got me sent to my Aunt Penny who was sending me to an Alternative Dance Committee Meeting. Which was only making me wonder more about the One-Acts and my utter inability to write anything.

Nat should have been with me getting in trouble. I know my aunt had some devious evil reason for sending me to the committee instead of poster hell, but right then I wasn't interested. I wanted my best friend and I wanted to complain.

I opened a game on my phone. Tried to do homework and run a little paint dude down a narrow track at the same time. What even were verbs?

I opened the game on my Chrome book one more time before my phone's screen flickered on. I snatched it up so fast I nearly dislodged my desk lamp. Nat's face popped into view.

"Hey Babe!"

"Nat!" I could feel myself inflate with happiness. I missed her so much I could feel it tingling in my fingertips. I tried to tamp down my goofy smile. I needed to at least pretend like I was mad at her. That was how complaining worked. "How's Germany?" I asked. It's polite to pretend to be interested in someone's life before unloading everything on them.

"Deutschland ist sehr schön!" Nat said, and I took that to mean good judging from the wild grin on her face. I lost a fight with my own smile. Nat was infectious. "I've already met the coolest people." She looked all dreamy-eyed and gooey.

"Who is she?" I asked, because I knew that look. I didn't actually want details about whoever her newest fling was, but she was going to give me them anyway.

"No one specific yet," She looked coy, and if Finn were here he would be needling her for details. I tabbed around on my phone desperately trying to call him into the conversation. When he didn't answer I tried to change the subject before Nat could drop hints that I wouldn't pick up about Helga or Svetlana, or Hans or whoever was the flavor of the week.

"Tried any new food lately?" I asked. Change the subject, change the subject.

Nat gave up with a quick glance at the ceiling and a puff of air blow out between her lips. She knew me well enough to know what I was doing, so she started in on a monologue about kartolfflepuffer and Milka Chocolate. Halfway through the conversation another light blinked in the corner of my screen and Finn yawned his way into the conversation.

"What?" He crinkled his eyes at us against a pitch black room.

"How's my boy?" Nat asked. Finn made some mumbled response. He at least answered when Nat asked about school. We chatted for a while about mundane things before I got an opening to yell at Nat for leaving me alone with Penny's punishment.

Her response,

"Aww Jojo that team is so sweet." Her voice was quieter than it had been at the beginning of our conversation. Her new apartment was small and she didn't want to wake her parents. It was almost midnight in Germany.