Than to Have Never Loved at All

How Many Votes

We got back to the Alt dance at 6:30. Carsey had set out the desserts, and someone had made two giant bowls of punch. Rosie's parents and my Aunt Penny were in the corner, chatting animatedly and waiting to take their posts as chaperones. I spotted Eric in the corner sipping from a plastic cup and poking a dangling crystal. The music hadn't started yet, but the ambiance was just right. Even the decorations looked better than they had when I had left. The angles for the crystals and flashlights were better, and the flags looked straighter and sharper. Someone had gone through and perfected everything. I was trying to figure out who could have done all of that, and so perfectly, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around expecting Finn or Keegan.

I gasped when I saw Devin.

The boy who had been missing from our meetings for a month was right in front of me. Alive. I bolted into his arms and held tight. Devin!

"JoJo!" He laughed into my neck and squeezed tight. I didn't think I cared about him that much, but the last few days made me feel like a valve had been loosened on my social life. I used to lock myself up with Finn and Nat, tired and scared that people would catch feelings for me. Now I felt like nothing could touch me. I could hug Devin and cry on Carsey, and it wouldn't be a scary wager on whether they would eventually ask me out.

I stepped back. Devin looked okay. He looked mostly okay. His smile was weaker, and he a was a little pale, but otherwise he was fine.

Behind him trailed a very blonde boy and a girl our age in a pony-tail and a long skirt. She did not look prepared for the party.

"How did you get here? What happened?" I was in awe.

"I broke him out," the blonde boy spoke up.

"I helped." I looked back to the girl behind Devin. She looked like him, same blue-grey eyes and high cheekbones. Her slightly defensive scowl matched his.

Devin stepped back and gestured to them, "Jojo this is Levi." I wasn't surprised that this was the infamous boyfriend. I was surprised when he turned toward the girl and said, "and this is Dana, my twin sister."

The girl waved sheepishly and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her zip up hoodie. I hadn't expected to ever meet his family, especially not at the Alt Dance. Carsey made it sound like they'd more likely roast him on a spit than support him. "

"They helped spring me out of house arrest." I was relieved to hear that Devin had been at home, and not in some lock-down conversion therapy. Even though she had helped him out it was easy to see that Dana didn't quite look comfortable. She was taking everything in as if she had just landed on a completely other planet and was trying to make sense of the cotton candy clouds and purple grass.

"So you found this place?" Devin asked. "I mean after my church-"

"Yeah," I cut him off. "It got a little messy for a while there, but Clinton knew of this place, so we came out here today."

"Clinton? Your boyfriend, Clinton?"

I smiled wanly. The last information Devin had had about anyone's life must have been weeks old. "Actually ex-boyfriend now," I said. Devin cocked his head to the side with an unspoken question, but I waved it off. I would explain later. "It's a nice place isn't it!" I said excitedly.

Devin hesitated, then said, "I'm a little concerned about how far out it is."

I deflated.

"Do you think it'll be a smaller turnout?" I asked.

"Oh! No!" Devin said "I didn't mean it was a bad place! Did you see the faery lights out front? It's gorgeous. It's perfect. It's just, yeah, it's far out."