Where I Lost There I Found

Chapter 9

  Things happen in a very different way in everyone's life, some get badly affected by it. But for some  they stay in an undefinable way. They hide the wounds and keep moving. But then I feel if we follow any one of the above-mentioned methods, they consequences are worth less. But if they find out a better way, I guess it would be different. Not only they you and me too.

All the screen of mirror was more than different. The mirror I don't like... now next face was one I never liked. I hided it the most. Words were more can't define it better. Everyone is forced to phase it. Why? In one or different way. Let me say it more than explaining it. It is said or named as fight. Why does this word make thing worst at certain situation? It divides and breaks. It makes scars that can never be healed well. Builds distance that are never covered. Remedies are made. They act as bridge that is not strong enough, it can be easily broken in one blow. The more you pick one more it will hurt. It destroys bonds, makes us evil.

They used to fight. Now question arise is, isn't it common? But I never felt that way. Young heart only sows seed that it views at the time of cultivation. They preferred it every time. That heart was unaware these would tear her apart as she grew. Make her die. I saw them pick one everytime. But with time they get back well without much of loss of bonds. I never knew if they were faking that bond. I heard the scream from them it for their bright life. They only followed the rule for us. You can name it as hashtag sacrifice or consideration. I owe them a lot. That was the beginning of the mistake to myself.

Talking may make difference or to scream out to stop would have been better I guess. The silence was better the wounded me thought. Same was the story I was wrong. I never saw how hard I was tearing me down. They wounded them but what they never saw was one was getting wounded, hurt was not them but me. Those distance of them were not making them apart. It was making me away from bonds that I never carved for me. The resistance to relations were growing deep.

Fights initiated a crucial part of not knowing myself in my life. They pulled me into their fights. Made me the reason for their disgust. Things were not explained but defined on their own parameters. Each time they fought blood were shredded through them. Not in their faces but from my heart. In each phase what I did was hurt myself more than them. Maybe its their life what they forget is the person watching them is close to their life is getting wounded than they think. He threw her away. Pointed me and asked be to get back to room. But when he threw her, when he asked me to leave he didn't knew there were barriers that are getting strong against his wills. She was thrown away and she picked herself up. Walked again near him pleading in disgust for forgiveness. Even though it was he who was wrong and a alcoholic. They named themselves as family towards society. But I preferred to call them two rivals sailing same boat just to test the strength and tolerance of themselves.

Both of them were close to me. They never heard me and I never spoke. I followed them in everyday life. Because they said this is our life. You fight and walk till the end. May be men won't understand. But it's a women responsibility to follow the path and scarifies themselves even if the life is dark. Maybe she is right and maybe I had to follow her. He said women should respect her partner and work as a slave in their life till the end. Who is polite only at certain time. They carry responsibility. They stay happy but the bonds were not strong. And the bridge built were weak and will break at any time of the war. Still I owed them a lot they hold themselves a lot with fake smile.

What I was killing myself for the piece of shit fights they laid. After the hot fight they kept silence for week never communicated and after a while they are back together like all is fine. During the session they way they spoke made myself unpredictable and lost. I carried a burning heart that only explained less and hurts more than I could imagine.

I was bleeding more now....

He was now hugging me, like if he wants to console but also he wants me to face it.