Life of a Childhood Cancer Warrior - Emi's Journey

Still in the ICU

It's been a week since you fell into septic shock. Nothing has changed in a positive way. Your body is still fighting for every single heartbeat and beating way too slowly. I'm praying to God that he gives you strength to keep fighting. With every second that passes by, i'm even more afraid of losing you.

I haven't slept much since we are in the ICU. I'm afraid that when I close my eyes, you are gone when I wake up. That's why I'm sitting all day and night by your side and watch how you struggle to live. You don't deserve this. No one does.

Every breath you take is a miracle. The doctors have given up on you. They say you won't make it. That you will never get out of this hospital alive. But I don't want to believe that. It's the worst nightmare we are living in right now. You must make it, there is no other option I could bear. Life is already way too hard, we are only fighting because of you. For you. I won't lose hope for a miracle. You will get out of here alive Emi. I promise you I will do everything I can to make it possible for you to live a long, healthy life. I won't give up on you. You are a fighter, the strongest I know. You will win this battle baby girl.

The baby next to us died today. The little girl on the other side of our room died yesterday. They were even younger than you are. Why did God let them die? Why? I don't have an answer on this question, I just hope so much that I will never need to ask myself this question. I'm not planning to lose you. I want you to live. But I'm still so incredibly scared. I'm crying so much. Because I am afraid of losing you. Because life is so hard. Because I hate it here so much. Because the children here died. Because you don't deserve this. And because my heart is breaking every single second you are suffering.
Everything is uncertain and so hard, but I will stay strong for you baby girl.