I am alone with you. You are undergoing chemo at the moment, so it's normal that you are nauseous. But something just doesn't feel right. I don't know what, but I know something is wrong. It's December 2017, I hate winter so much. We have been here for 4 months already. It's been such a hard time.
20 minutes later, I see that your oxygen level is sinking and your heart is beating way too slowly. I call a nurse and she just says: " That's normal because she's going through chemo." But I can feel it's not normal, so I demand her to do something. Your skin is completely yellow now, I just now something is really wrong. The doctors storm in as your heart nearly stops beating. I'm so incredibly scared of losing you. You haven't been this close to death ever. And it scares me so much. The doctors push me out of the room, so I stop seeing you in this condition. But I know you are so close to death. I'm a child, but I'm not stupid. I see and know more than the doctors think.
You have been moved to the ICU, you have been put on life support. You have a septic shock, one of the main causes of death in the ICU. An infection caused it. And why did you get this infection? Because you have no immune system because of chemo. I hate this whole cancer thing so much. Cancer ruins our lives.
I sit down next to you. And the only thing I am feeling is sadness. I'm so sad you have to go through this. I'm sad that you are missing your childhood. I'm sad that you are fighting for your life while other kids are playing with their friends. You deserve better. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm so sorry.
I see that your heart is still beating way too slowly, but at least your oxygen level is higher now. Seeing you like this makes me break down. I hate everything so much right now. I run out of the room and sit down on a bench in a park. I have no jacket and it's freezing cold. But I don't care. I can't stop crying. This is just to much for me. Please God, don't let Emi die. That's the only thing I am thinking this evening. And when a nurse finds me in the park, I already fell asleep on the bench. I haven't slept for days. And I don't think I will ever sleep good again.
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Life of a Childhood Cancer Warrior - Emi's Journey
De TodoEmi, a little girl from California, lives a normal life until she goes to the hospital complaining about stomach pain. There her world is turned down. She gets diagnosed with cancer at just 4 years old. Here you can read about her journey. *This st...
