A Secret In Your Throat

Chapter 15

Over the next few weeks, I didn't have to lift a finger to take care of literally anything.
I never would have figured a house full of lovable, idiotic vampires could have nursed an ill human with such care. I adored them.
Just a few days later on a diet of vitamin C and high iron foods, I was able to walk down the stairs without help. Frank was disappointed- he had enjoyed carrying me around piggy-back.
Mikey would stand up at the first rumble of my stomach and go find me some food - whether I protested or not. My cup of water with the bendy straw was never empty with Mikey around. He truly never forgot our time in the mountains.
I watched Ray play his guitar, and he even consented to teach me a little. Frank loaned me his own guitar just so I could learn. Ray was very patient, and laughed along with me when I made my frequent mistakes. I was terrible, but I enjoyed passing my nights in his restful presence, and so I kept learning and even got a little better.
And Gerard. There was never anyone more loving and gentle in the world. I loved our quiet times together, reading our own books or graphic novels, watching movies on the large TV, and watching him draw in his notebook. We played board games and video games loudly and competitively. We fell into bed together early every morning, and went to sleep facing each other as we always had.
They would go in two's to hunt. There was an almost never-ending chain of roving human highway gangs. These people usually offered to get innocents from danger to the safety of a city, but the people usually didn't make it. They were sold to vamps in exchange for safety, and so many of the women had it worse than being sold out for blood.
I was only worried one of them would get hurt. It was nice having the house a little more empty. It was nice having my own time alone - something I was so accustomed to, that I couldn't see myself ever giving it up.
But then they would come home with cookies for me, or a new leather jacket for me, or even just to pat me on the head affectionately, and I would be filled with a warmth I'd never known before all of this.
I had a real family who loved me and accepted me for who I was. For the first time in my life I was out to people who didn't argue with me, who weren't passive-aggressive with me, and didn't want to change me.
Well, they didn't want to change my gender or personality anyway. They were chomping at the bit to see me at full strength so I could become one of them in the strictest sense.
I knew it could take two months to fully replenish my blood, and I didn't want to take any risks. And so we waited.
At sundown the very evening that two months had passed, I bounded down the stairs and died laughing when I got to the bottom.
There was a poorly made cake, and balloons, and confetti. Someone with zero experience writing in icing had written HAPPY BLOODIVERSARY on the tiny round cake.
It was October. The season had changed into a mild autumn, with leaves falling all around the large house in the forest. Gerard had brought home for me a beautiful black wool sailors peacoat. It fit so well I thought it must have been cut just for me. He brought me new boots, new sneakers, new jeans and shirts and hats and things I'd never had before.
I was dressed in dark jeans, cuffed at the bottom because they were always too long, and a button down black shirt with my sleeves rolled to the elbow. I was barefoot as I approached the table, laughing still. Ray came around the corner and smiled, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "It was Frank's thing. Any excuse to throw glitter and wear a tiara."
I beamed at him, "I love it."
"You've changed the last few weeks," he noted, "You seem much happier."
"Well, I am. I've never really had anything like a warm family life until now."
"That's... really sad. You're just a great person, Rae. It's past time you had a good life." He grinned, "Were you really gonna stake Gerard when he came through your window?"
I bristled, "I tried."
"Are you glad you didn't?"
I stared at the little party that had been set for me after I'd gone to bed. I felt my fingertips, sore from trying to practice guitar. I thought back to all the early morning hours I'd spent in Gerard's arms, all the love I had in my life with my new brothers. I felt a small prick of sadness for the humanity I had left behind me, but I knew now that it was nothing more than nostalgia. That was no way to really live.
"Yes," I said finally, after taking stock of the last two years, "I'm glad I failed."
Frank barreled down the stairs then, tiara in place, and nearly tackled me in a hug, shouting "HAPPY DEATHDAY LITTLE FLEDGLING!"
I snorted, hugging him back as Mikey and Gerard followed him down.
"Is... today the day? Have you been keeping track?" I asked, as Mikey cut me a piece of the crooked, unevenly frosted cake.
"Course we have," he said, passing the plate to me, "Here. The last human food you'll eat is this garbage cake I made you. You're welcome."
I took it from him. Funfetti, from a box. I took a small bite while they all watched me.
"Does... does it have to be today?" I asked nervously.
Gerard said "Of course not." as Frank shouted "YES!" We all laughed.
"Look, Mikey gave your hair a nice trim the other day, which is good because it'll be this length forever, you've got enough blood in your body, and stealing human food is much harder than hunting." Frank pointed out.
"Sorry," I mumbled through a mouthful of frosting.
"Rae, it's not really an imposition if you don't want to today," Ray interjected, before I could apologize for anything as normal as needing to eat, "You'll have to be this for... I mean, forever, as far as anyone knows. It's okay."
Frank and Mikey pouted a little. I took a careful drink of water and asked, "How... would we do it?"
"Well... it would depend on what you wanted. We just want you to be comfortable. You'd be stronger, the more of us who help to turn you. If you only wanted me to bite you, that's okay, too." Gerard said quietly, his hand on my back.
Flash of the two of us, in bed, Gerard sinking those razor sharp teeth into my throat while he made love to me.
It was so tempting.
But, I was tired of being the weakest all the time. The smallest kid in school. The smallest adult at work. The lone vulnerable human in the unstoppable wall of vampires around me.
To buy myself some time, I asked, "Does the venom hurt?"
They all, all four of them, broke out into descriptions of the stinging and burning. My eyes got wide.
"Look," Mikey said, everyone quieting down, "If all of us bite you at once, it's so much easier. It'd be like ripping off a bandaid." he paused, "A giant, burning, venom-ridden bandaid but..."
I couldn't help it, I laughed. He continued, "That's what I did, and I don't think I could take it one bite at a time. All at once... if you want us all to bite you."
I shifted and set my little plate down, leaning into Gerard. "How long does it take?"
I couldn't understand why I'd never asked these questions before. When I had first been ill, two months seemed like a long time away. Now those days had trickled through my fingers like water, and I had just let it happen without knowing what I'd be going through afterward. Maybe I hadn't really wanted to know.
"If we all bite you, you'll be changed by morning." Frank promised, "If it's just Gerard, it'll probably be a day or so."
I looked at Gerard, and he tugged my arm gently, "Yes. We can go talk about it." he said, without my having to ask.
I looked back at them, "This was adorable and I love you all for it. Don't move. We'll be right back."
I climbed the stairs behind Gerard and flopped down on the bed. He sat beside me, and said softly, "It doesn't matter to me what you choose. It's... it's an intimate thing, though. We won't drink from you, I promise. It won't be like that. But you'll be very bonded to us, to all of us."
"I want to be bonded to you all." He looked down and I laughed at him, suddenly understanding, "Are you worried that I'll want the others the same way I want you? You don't need to be. I'm your mate, aren't I? Haven't I always been your faithful partner, even in the year we were apart?"
"Were you?" he asked. There was no accusation or anger, it was just a question.
"Of course I was. I knew I couldn't move on, Gee. You're the love of my life. Even if you'd died and never come back, I don't think I'd really ever be over it. Didn't you see enough of my life in Seattle to know that?"
He looked a little embarrassed, and I sat up and moved to sit right beside him, my leg draping over his. I said earnestly, "Gee, it has always been you. Only you. It will only ever be you."
He smiled and took my hands, "I know. I'm being... you just get along with everyone so well and you fit yourself in so seamlessly. You're so close with Ray."
"I like Ray very much. I respect him. Without him, there wouldn't be this harmonious home and we all know it. But I'm not in love with him. I never had feelings like that." I touched his cheek, "I'm a very monogamous person, Gee. If it meant anything to vampires, I'd marry you tomorrow. But we both know that's pointless. You're my mate, and if the only way to show you is to let you turn me alone, then what are you waiting for? Do it."
He sat there a moment, then sighed. "No. That's not the right way. This is your life. It's not up to me how you're turned. What I want, Rae, is for you to do what will make you happy. What won't be a sacrifice for yourself."
"And what if I want to be the strongest?"
"Then that's what you'll be, and I'll be happy to have you beside me. Always. It won't change anything between us." He smiled at me, squeezing my hands, "It couldn't ever change anything. I swear."
I was a little torn, but my heart was screaming at me to take this chance. I wanted to be what I couldn't ever be before.