A Secret In Your Throat

Chapter 16

I stood in the darkened room I shared with Gerard, in just my jeans and a tank top now. Gerard stood behind me, one arm around me to keep me upright if I fell. Ray and Frank were at my left arm, and Mikey at my right.
My heart was hammering. I felt cold and trembly, my palms sweating a little.
"You're going to be fine, Rae," Gerard breathed, "We won't let anything happen to you. Are you ready?"
I shook hard, but I nodded. I ran through everything in my mind that I was selfishly betraying - my humanity, my human lover. The promise I'd made. Everything I had fought to maintain. I felt another stab of guilt, but I wasn't going to stop. I needed more than just the ghost of a life. I wanted everything.
"Okay. One, two, three." He whispered. My arms twitched a little in their grasp.
They bit. All of them. Their razor sharp teeth felt freezing against the hot rush of my blood, and my back arched as Gerard tilted my head and kissed the pulse in my neck, before biting deep into my throat.
I felt the pain. I felt the burning. I gasped, and clenched my teeth as my body went rigid, and in the seconds in which their teeth were still in my flesh I felt that stab of desire I'd felt before when Gerard was drinking from me.
I was transported, in these seconds that lasted an eternity, into a dizzy spin of fantasies.
I felt my fingers buried in Ray's curls while he held me tenderly in his arms, kissing me. I felt Frank pin me down on the floor, so softly, hands over my head. I felt my fingers gripping Mikey's hair hard as he explored me with his tongue. And Gerard burned hotter than all of them, holding me from behind and taking me roughly.
And then it was over. These fleeting visions fell away, and I buckled against Gerard, blood running down my arms and neck. I knew they would have sealed the venom inside my body by healing the gashes. My vision was blurry, and I was burning.
They all helped to get me to the bed, and Gerard quickly began to wash the blood away from my body with a warm, damp washcloth. He had been ready for this. As soon as he was done, they pulled the covers up over me. I wished I could sleep, but the stinging racing through my veins stopped any chance of it. I tried not to make a sound, but my back arched on its own and I cried out.
Gerard and Mikey sat beside me, and I saw Ray stand against the wall as Frank folded himself onto the floor. Gerard took one of my hands, and Mikey the other. It helped to be able to squeeze their fingers when a fresh wave of pain overcame me.
"It's okay, Rae," Gerard whispered, "It went smoothly. This is normal. You'll be perfect."
It didn't feel perfect. Sometimes the stinging would ebb, and I'd be able to relax, only for another part of my body to change and die away with a fresh stab of the venom.
But they stayed with me. All night. They sat beside me and spoke comforting words as the pain began to recede into my heart. I felt strength in my limbs again - the powerful strength of the undead.
They all heard it when my heart stopped. It felt like fire in my chest, and I hissed and cried out, just one last time, as it fell still. I felt the absence of the beating - something I'd not taken much notice of until it was gone. It felt strange and hollow.
Gerard turned on the lamp by the bed, and I saw, with barely any time for my eyes to adjust, how very much my human eyes had missed. Everything was sharp, crisp and perfect. I turned my eyes to Gerard and it was almost as if I'd never see him before. His skin was smooth and white, the dark shadows around his eyes making the bright hazel stand out in vivid contrast. He smiled a half smile, lips pulled to the right side, and it took my breath away. The light shone through his shaggy black hair, lighting it up like a dark halo around him. So beautiful.
They all were.
Maybe it was just the love I felt for them all, but to me, there were no more beautiful people in the world than the four men watching me with worried eyes.
I sat up, slowly, not a single ache anywhere in my body. I looked at my hands - I had been fair-skinned before, but now I was nearly alabaster like the rest. There were no marks on my arms where I had been bitten. I looked at Gee again, who seemed anxious.
I smiled at him, and suddenly they were all diving on the bed to hug me, though I'd said absolutely nothing to them yet.
I laughed, catching each of them as best I could in my strong arms, embracing them. My family. I loved their rough boisterousness with everything in me.
"How do you feel?" Gerard asked, rolling Frank off of me.
"I... I think okay." I noticed my voice had become much deeper, exactly the way I had always wanted it to be. A butterscotch voice, neither masculine or feminine, is what I had wanted most in the world. I had loathed the chirpy soprano I had been born with.
The rest of them noticed it, too, and they exchanged looks. I stood up, and didn't even have to steady myself. I moved fluidly, with no human imbalances or slowness. I'd never noticed these things - the moment to steady, the small aches in my body, even the feel of my heart sending blood rushing through me - until they were gone.
"Is this it?" I asked, my husky voice bringing me a state of euphoria I'd never known before, "I feel... maybe a little parched, but I thought it would be worse."
"No, that's a good sign. You're still yourself, just... a little different." Gerard smiled, "It's just around daybreak. We can't go hunting now, but Ray has a spot for us tonight. It's not far. We've been holding out on that location until... until you came."
I couldn't stop myself. I ran into the middle of them all, so fast that I was just there without any perceptible movement, and pulled Gerard and Frank into a hug. Mikey and Ray wrapped their arms around us all and we stayed there, a real coven. A real family.