A Secret In Your Throat

Chapter 12

Gerard took me home before sunrise after all, so I could make my preparations, and they could liberate the human camp near Tacoma.
As he hurriedly carried me up to my window, my apartment lit only by the skyline outside, and set me on my feet, he caught my face tenderly in his hands and kissed me deeply.
"I love you. I have always loved you." he breathed.
I put my hands over his, my eyes closed. "I love you, Gee. Please don't get hurt. Please protect everyone. I just got you all back."
He bent down a little. I opened my eyes and stared into his, and he said fervently, "I swear you will come back to a whole family. I won't let any of us get hurt. Sleep a few hours. You have your part to play tomorrow. You have to protect us in your own way."
We smiled at each other in the dim light from the streets below. He pressed one more kiss to my forehead and then he was gone, hurrying almost invisible back to the southern wall, speeding away before dawn broke.
I lit my lamp and then made myself a real meal - well a frozen one, anyway. I was starving, and I ate it so fast I burned my tongue on the soggy pasta and tomato sauce. Then, I undressed swiftly and laid down in my pathetic bed. So much had changed so fast. Two nights ago I had still thought of killing him, exterminating his whole coven. I'd thought my friends dead. Now I lay here, my heart full to bursting, my body still aching deliciously from Gerard's sweet and rough lovemaking. It was so much the same, but so different. He was so much stronger, he didn't need to rest the way he had before.
Soon, I wouldn't either.
I rolled over on my side, smiling. I never had to give it up again. I never had to give anything up anymore, if I didn't want to. My life was mine, now.
I drifted off to sleep soon after, catching around three hours of sleep before my little battery powered alarm woke me for my day.
***
"Dr. Laghari, I'm so grateful. I can't tell you how sorry I am to leave you short handed, but she's my only family, and the military plane to Chicago leaves tomorrow night."
Dr Laghari, a tall woman with a long braid down her back smiled warmly at me, "Rae, we all understand what a miracle it is to find family still alive now. You should go be with your cousin. There will be plenty of work in Chicago, I expect. Don't worry about us. You've done so much for us this last year. You deserve some time with your loved ones."
"Loved one. It's just one cousin."
She smiled at me again. "Of course."
Chicago had been retaken this past January, and was holding strong. Military planes traveled back and forth a few times a week, with limited civilian transport.
I wouldn't be on it, but Dr. Laghari would never know that. I shook her hand, and left Lumen Field for the last time. I would wait for Gerard, hoping he would be back for me soon. I climbed the stairs to my apartment, feeling the weight of my responsibilities falling away from me.
I had never known just how burdened I'd been, until I was free.
I spent the night cleaning my little place, and packing up my duffel bag with the things I wanted to keep. Lisbeth's red leather jacket, that I had never worn because it was absurdly too large. My I HEART CALIFORNIA shirt. The silly mechanics shirt with DOC scribbled on the front that Mikey had given me. I packed my very small collection of books- I didn't have space for many here in this tiny place, and re-reading my same beloved stories was a comfort to me.
And then I waited. I knew I had prepared too early, but I also knew I wouldn't be able to focus on my patients with Gerard and the others so far from me, and in danger. I felt... not afraid really. Anxious, mostly. They'd seemed so confident in their planning, and they wouldn't have me along to hinder them. It's not like I could have protected them while I was human, anyway. They could have missed their window to free that human camp if I hadn't been ready.
I slept during the day. I waited up at night.
By the third night, when I awoke to find myself alone still, I was starting to feel nauseated with worry. If they were destroyed, how could I continue on? How many times could I have my dearest loved ones torn from me, and still be expected to carry on?
I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. I pulled on my boots. I ate an apple with some peanut butter and drank a glass of water. I had to stay fueled, I told myself. I paced restlessly with my beaten copy of The Silmarillion, unable to really focus on the struggles of Lúthien and Beren while listening for sounds outside my window.
The lights went out. My heart dropped into my stomach. This was it. I knew it. I raised the wick on my lamp and threw my book and the last of my things into my bag. I opened my window wide, and as I was zipping my bag shut, someone climbed through.
But it wasn't Gerard.
It was Ray.