A Dagger to the Heart

Chapter 17

Hey so I want to start off by saying sorry that I haven't been posting as much.... I just have a lot going on with school, work and trying to get a decent amount of sleep at night!!! Plus next week are my finals for school so after that I will be posting much more!!! Hang in there!!! ALSO PLEASE comment your favorite songs at the moment!!!! I really need new music

Chapter 17

After I had calmed down enough, Harry and I got back into the car. We didn't say a word to each other because I didn't really understand what happened to me. Yeah I don't really like people swarming me and asking for pictures, but that doesn't mean I would completely lose it and have a panic attack.

I am embarrassed that it had to happen right in front of Harry. He probably thinks I am really weird. There is a small part of me that was glad he was the one who helped me through it. Only because he basically knew what to do and stayed calm the whole time. If Carrie was with me she would freak out and cause a bigger scene, which probably would have only made the situation worse.

"Thank you" I said as we drove out of the parking lot.

"For what?"

"Not freaking out and making me feel more embarrassed than I already am" I responded looking over at him.

"Why would you be embarrassed?"

"Because it wasn't exactly something I wanted to happen in front of you"

"Can I tell you a secret?" He asked "I used to get those all the time when I was on XFactor. Before going on stage I would just lose it and go hide. It got easier as it went on and now I don't really have them anymore. That being said, I think that if you just get used to people asking you for pictures, that won't happen again"

"Is that why you knew what to do? Because you have had them before?"

"Yeah, the first few I had, everyone around me would yell at each other to get me water or to step away from my like I was going to die. No one really helped me, it just added to the anxiety. So when I figured out that is what was happening to you, I tried to be as calm as possible. It freaked me out a little though" He said looking over and making eye contact with me.

"Well I hope it doesn't continue to happen" I said being one hundred percent honest.

The fact that he has had panic attacks before, gives me an odd sense of comfort. It probably shouldn't, but it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one.

We were only at the pet store for maybe an hour or so before we had to make an awkward exit so we still had some time to kill and I wasn't sure what he had planned.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked Harry trying to change the conversation.

"Yeah, anything" He answered.

"Why did you want me to come see your show tonight?" I asked kind of regretting it because who knows how he will respond.

"Because I wanted to see you again"

"But why? I mean... I don't want to bring this up again... but didn't you come see me on Ellen in the first place to only help yourself?" I asked hoping he would remain calm.

"Yeah, but then we sat and talked backstage by the food, and I realized we could be good friends" He said.

That was like a dagger to the heart. 'We could be good friends' played over and over in my head. So I guess he is not into me. This was all so we could be friends? Who sends their friends flowers?

"Is that a bad thing?" He asked. I didn't realize I had not answered yet. My head was racing too fast.

"Oh.... uh no of course not" I said still in shock and kind of hurt.

So I guess I was just being a dumb girl and thought he actually liked me. Just because a boy is nice to me, doesn't mean he likes me. I feel so stupid. What was I thinking? Of course this was all too good to be true. I knew something bad was going to happen. I guess I just didn't really know I liked him until he friend zoned me. I wouldn't say I was heart broken, but I was defiantly a few notches below that.

"Do you just want to go back to the stadium and hangout for a bit? I have a ping pong table in my dressing room and a TV. Does that sounds okay? If you're hungry we could always go and get some pizza or even order something" Harry said.

"Yeah, of course! That sounds like fun" I didn't really care what we did. It's not like it matters anymore.

I forgot I haven't talked to Carrie and Niall for awhile. I hope they got back to the car with help awhile ago. Carrie also said she would keep me updated but she clearly hasn't gone out of her way to send me a simple text.

Harry turned the car around and headed back towards the stadium where he is going to sing tonight. I pulled out my phone and saw that I had three text messages. I didn't realize my phone was on silent.

One was from my Mom who was checking on me again. It was honestly getting annoying that she has to talk to me every twenty minutes. I am almost eighteen years old. I do not need my mother "checking up" on me all the time. I can take care of myself.

The other two texts were from Carrie. The first one said they are back in the car and headed to get some food before the show. The second one asked if I was okay.

Why wouldn't I be okay?

'What are you talking about?' I sent in response to her second message.

'Someone posted a video of you freaking out at a pet store'

Are you freaking kidding. This is absolutely perfect. The last thing I need is this to be public. There is one terrible person out there, who didn't think of my feelings at all. I cannot believe this.

'send me a link' I texted back

A few moment later I she responded with the video. At first, I was a little hesitant of opening it, but decided that I would see it sooner or later. The video loaded and there it was. The most embarrassing moment of my life.

I explained to Harry what was going on and he just kept apologizing. I don't think he knew what else to say.

This trip is turning into a disaster. First our car broke down, then I had a freak attack in front of Harry, and now it is all over the internet. I thought what I did at my school was only going to be a big deal for a few days. It has been weeks. I don't understand why people are still talking about it. I am nothing special. I am just a normal senior girl.

We pulled into the stadium parking lot. We drove over to a fence where a guy opened it just enough so the car could get through. There were probably fifteen security guards just walking around making sure everything was going as planned.

I am confused as to why Harry needs all of this security at the show, but he could go out into public? I guess those people asked for our picture at the pet store, but I feel like it should have turned into a mob like the time I was in the small shop in California.

He parked the car and we hopped out. Some fans were on the other side of the lot screaming though the fence that was hold them back from attacking us. Harry just waved and we walked inside.