I don't wanna be here anymore

156 4 1

by -D1X10N

by -D1X10N

~~recap~~

in the distance I slowly walking walking around "hey y/n look a cat do you think it mite it lost? " I said while walking up to it. "it mite be wait it doesn't have a collar" y/n said while looking for a name tag. "do you think it has an owner?" I said while picking up the cat. "should we take it home?" y/n suggested. "ok but only till someone shows up okay" "thank you remi!" y/n said wile hugging my waist. "come on lets go home" I said smiling.

present day

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rem's POV:

I was sleeping soundly till I heard scratching on the bedroom door. I got out of my warm bed carefully not to wake y/n up. I slowly open the door to see oreo rush in and jump on my side of the bed "hey that's my side oreo " I whisper. I slowly get back into bed and look at the time on my bedside table reading 12:45. "fuck sakes oreo how can you be awake at this time of night" I whisper yet again. I hear oreo purring in content. I let oreo sleep next to me for now, I enjoyed having something to keep you company. since I could not sleep I thought I would get up and grab my guitar and maybe sing my thoughts. my head had been racing with dozens of thoughts that wouldn't go away for days months even. I grab the guitar and sit on the end of my bed with oreo watching me. I start playing slow rift and start softly singing to myself. "go on tell me not to cry, you see me fight my tears in my eyes. I'm sad and I'm scared cant you see? all this pain is haunting me. enough. because I don't wanna live this way, because I don't wanna be here anymore. I cant live with this pain. I just wanna feel something more. and every time you walk away and every time I ignore my pain. and I don't wanna live this way. And I don't wanna be here anymore." "remi baby are you okay?" I jumped when y/n spoke. "w-what y-yea baby just go back to sleep" I said stoking her hair. when y/n closed her eyes I put the guitar back down and got into bed snuggling y/n. I cried silently while hugging y/n.

~~the next morning~~

y/n's POV:

I woke up with remi not there next to me. I here the shower in the bathroom running, I sighed slowly calming down. I got out and made the bed and went to the kitchen and made myself a coffee. I heard remi's foot steps coming from upstairs. "hey baby" rem said hugging my waist. "morning buba" I said turning around and kissing him. "how did you sleep?" rem asked. "ok how about you?" "meh so so didn't really sleep last night oreo woke me up in the middle of the night. "awe- but remi what was that song you where singing last night?" I asked honestly. "I- well uh I don't know it's something I just made up on the spot really" rem said finding his way through words. "it's beautiful remi I liked it" "y- you did ?" "yea" I said kissing his cheek. "sorry I woke you up last night" "it's ok buba as long as it's you next to me in the night I'll be fine." I said hugging his waist more. "you know I'll always love you no matter what y/n." "I know remi and I'll love you no matter what too" I said burring my face into his chest. I breathed in his sent making me feel safe. I heard rem crying which made me a bit upset. "remi babe whats wrong" I said looking up. "I- I just don't wanna lose you y/n ever" rem cried harder this time. "come on how about we watch some TV and get some nutella and spend time together" "okay" rem said smiling.

~~time skip 2 hours later~~

I sat myself down on the couch thinking about Remington and how weird he acted last night, yea I know how he was treated as a child but I still worry for him that he mite being feeling bad thoughts again behind closed doors. I worry for him I really do. "maybe I should text Emerson he can talk to rem and ask he's rem's brother. I bring out my phone from my pocket and text Emerson.

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me- hey Emerson can you do me a favor please

em🌹- sure thing wacha need?

me- can you swing round say 9 ish and talk to rem for me i think he mite be having flash backs again.

em🌹- sure thing

me- just dont be over protective he seems on edge rn

em🌹- ahh ok I'll be round soon x

me- thanks bye em

em🌹- bye

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I put my phone back in my pocket and turned on the TV watching some history program. I heard Remington's foot steps from behind. "hey baby" rem said putting his hands on my shoulders playfully. "hey buba" I said turning around. "ready to watch harry potter?" "of course sit down!" I said playfully laughing. I put on harry potter and snuggled into remi's warm chest. "would you still love me no matter how depressed I was?" rem blurted out. "of course remi no one can help being depressed I'll never love You less baby ever" I said rubbing his back. "I'm sorry i'm such a screw up y/n your so beautiful and loving and... I- I'm just worthless" he said while he had his head in his hands. "noo baby your not worthless don't say that your loving talented handsome even really goofy in a good way" I said looking into his deep brown eyes. "Y- you really think that y/n" "yes baby yea we all have ups and downs but life is a roller coaster it can leave you so happy them boom just leave you really sad and scared" Rem pulled me into a hug. I hugged rem back with more passion. I heard a knock at the door and remi flinched at the sound. "I'll be back I'll go see who it is" I got up from the couch and went to the door. I opened it to see it was Emerson. "oh hey Emerson go upstairs I'll tell rem to talk to you in our bedroom. "thanks" Emerson flashed me a smile and went upstairs. "hey rem, Emerson wants to talk to you upstairs?" "why?" "beats me" I shrugged. "ok I'll be back down soon" rem smiled and jogged upstairs.

Rem's POV:

"I walk upstairs to my room to see Emerson. "hey Emerson y/n said you wanted to talk to me?" "yea we do" "w- what uh what about?" I stuttered. "just sit down rem" "okay?" I sat down next to Emerson, it was quiet for a couple minuets until Emerson broke the painful silence. "so rem y/n told me you have been acting weird last night... was there something that triggered you recently? " he questioned. "I don't know Em I've just been feeling a bit down that's all" "rem if you ever have any flash backs please tell me and y/n or even seb we wanna help we don't want you to keep It closeted to your self... I Love you rem I don't wanna lose you your my brother we can get through this together as a family" "I- I know Em but it's hard with all the band stuff right now... could we all take a break just now till I feel more like myself again?" "yea sure but plase don't keep it closeted to your self" he said bringing me in for a hug. "It's late I'll show you to the door" I get up and walk down stairs and open the front door for Em. "thank rem see you soon y/n" he said smiling. "bye!" I heard y/n call from the living room. I shut the door. I go back in the living room and sit down next to y/n swinging my arm round her bringing y/n close. "I love you" I said lowly in her ear. "and I love you more" she said softly. "remi I'm tried" she whined. "well lets go to bed then" I suggested. "okayy" she said lazily. I picked her up bridal style and walk upstairs to out room. I opened the door with my foot and out y/n in bed. "mmmm" she groaned. "what baby?" "need your warm hugs" she said sounding tired. I took off my shirt and got into bed. 20 minuets go past and y/n finally goes to sleep. I see that the window is open so I decided to go onto of the roof top and admire the stars. I slowly wrap y/n's arms off my waist and put the covers on her. I climb out the window to the roof and sit myself down carefully not to slip. I cross my legs and look up at the bright moon shining down at earth. I smiled as I looked at the stars admiring each and every one of them. It started getting a bit cold and I started to shake from the breez. I climbed back inside and got in the warm covers with y/n. I brought her closer to me and hugged her like it was the last thing I would do on earth with her. "I'm trapped inside your heart but I don't mind the broken parts" I hummed softly. "will I be fine, I never ever know, no one ever ever knows. have I lost my mind?"

a/n hope you liked this keep in mind i just woke up so bare with me I'll be making a happy/sad chapter soon cya soon peeps luv ya stay tuned for more jucy chapters ;) x😭😔

would you like more chapters like this???😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤

word count (1666)