Such An Actress [h.s]

fifteenth

You know those moments in life where you can't help but freeze? Where something major has happened, or someone told you huge news and you just don't know what to do or say?

This was one of those moments.

Harry's lips were on mine while I was frozen with my eyes wired shut. It was like my brain couldn't comprehend that this was actually happening.

After a couple seconds, figuring this wasn't some sort of dream or cruel joke, I kissed him back. Moving my lips against his, his large hands hold either side of my face, my hands moving up his arms and rest on his shoulders.

Harry and I were making out. Harry my best friend. Who basically has a girlfriend.

Oh shit no.

I pull away all to quickly and I start freaking out. My eyes wide, breathing rapidly.

"No you can't do that," I say taking his hands off of my face and standing up walking away.

"Can't do what Kie?" He says sounding frustrated standing up as well.

"You can't just kiss me!" I say turning around, "You have Kendall and I just told you some deep shit and you are only kissing me because you pity me! It was a pity kiss-" I say, raising my voice.

"You don't get it do you?!" He yells cutting off my loud rambling taking a step closer and for some reason my feet are glued to the ground.

"Get what Harry? Is this some cruel joke? What is there to get? You feel bad so you just kissed me, you didn't mean it!" I yell pointing my finger at him.

"How do you know how I feel? Huh?" He says getting closer to me.

"Because I have known you since we were babies Harry and you forget I can read you like a book! But if I'm wrong, tell me it wasn't a pity kiss then?" I finish and there are now only a couple meters separating us.

He doesn't say anything for a minute, he just looks in my eyes, shifting his eyes back and forth between them trying to read me with his eyebrows furrowed.

"See?" I say scoffing "You can't even admit it because deep down Harry, you know that you don't like me in that way. I will always be the ugly best friend that gets to hear stories of how you bang models on the weekends," I say in spite and go to walk away before I feel Harry's large hand wrap around my arm and pull me back into his chest and his lips back on mine.

Before I could melt and let it happen I push him away. I know this may seem stupid, that I'm throwing away a chance with Harry but I will not let him just use me because he pities me.

"I do not pity you Katie," he stumbles back, with his eye brows furrowed.

"Then tell me how you really feel Harry? Because I guess I can't read you-"

"I have feelings for you!" He yells cutting me off.

I just stare at him, My mouth hanging open, my eyes wide. Did he really say that?

I was about to open my mouth and say something, I'm not quite sure what but he cuts me off before I have the chance.

"I don't wanna be just your best friend Katie, I want to be your something more and if you don't feel the same-"

"Shut up," I say walking towards grabbing his face and kissing him with every ounce of energy I have in my body. After his initial shock his lips start to move with mine and his hands go to my hips to pull me into his body.

My hands move to his neck and grip his hair in my fingers. As our lips move at a fast pace he swipes his tongue along my bottom lip and I open my mouth to invite it. Next thing I know his hands are on the back of my thighs and he's picks me up so they are now wrapping around his torso.

With his hands on my bum and lips still moving in synch with mine I feel him walk and go up the stairs. How he is doing this with his eyes closed, I don't know.

Once he gets to the second floor, he opens a door and I leans down and places me on his bed hovering over me continuing to kiss me. He breaks the kiss but continues kissing down my jaw and neck. He spends some time on my neck, sucking and biting. I know he's leaving love bites all over my neck. Harry's hands move to grab the hem of my shirt and right as he's about to remove the fabric from my body, alarms ring in my head telling me to stop him. 

Harry is my best friend. If this goes any further it has the possibility of ruining our friendship and I can't let that happen.

"Harry stop," I pant out, but he doesn't he keeps kissing my neck. "Harry stop!" I say a bit louder this time. He stops everything he's doing and gets off me and sits to the side of me as I sit up. 

"What's wrong? Did I do someth-"

"No you didn't do anything wrong, we just can't do this" I say cutting him off. 

"Why can't we do this?" He says with a hint of anger getting up from the bed completely, standing in front of me. 

"Because Harry," I start, "You are my best friend and I will not jeopardize that just to have a moment with you." I say, raising my voice slightly.  

"This could be more than just a moment Katie! This could be uh..." 

"A what? A relationship?" I ask with a cynical laugh, now standing up from the bed.

"Yeah, why not?" He asks as serious as a heart attack.

"Because if we break up then what happens? Do you hate me forever? I lose my job? I have to move? Because I would rather you be in my life as my friend than not in my life at all." I say tears welling in my eyes, my hands shaking.

"Kie," he says softly, moving to wrap his arms around me. "We can make this work, Kie-"

"No Harry" I say pushing myself out of his arms, "I'm not taking that risk."

The look in Harry's eyes when I said I wouldn't take that risk was a look I have never received from him before. It was a look of heartbreak. 

We stand there in silence for a while staring at each other. I have tears in my eyes, streaming down my face and Harry's eyes looked glossed over in defeat.

"Ok," He mutters.

"Ok?" I question.

He steps closer to me and holds out his hand, like he wants me to shake it, "Friends?" He mutters a frown permanently etched onto his face. 

I take my hand and place it in his, shake it and respond with, "Friends."

We stay holding each other's hand for a while never breaking eye contact. 

A part of me is yelling at me right now for throwing away a chance to be with him, knowing how he actually feels. But another part of me is telling me I'm doing the right thing. 

"Goodnight Harry." I say dropping his hand and turning towards the door.

"Goodnight Katie."

Author's Note: Ok so now's the part where you yell at me for leaving you hanging for so long and for creating an even slower burn. 

I'm sorry :( -H