Ludic Selcouth #3: Dancing Keys

Key #25

Hindi na ako mapakali habang inaayos ko ang mga dadalhing gamit sa likuran ng sasakyan. Something weird happened this morning while our family was having breakfast.

Bigla nalang sinabi nila daddy na sasama sila sakin sa EU, they want to watch me perform.

I'm too anxious. Kinakabahan na nga ako dahil open yung event sa mga taga-ibang school. That only means that the number of people might double, triple. Tapos sila mommy pa na first time akong papanuorin sumayaw sa itaas ng stage.

They also said that they want to contribute on the charity. Naka-usap na pala nila ang director ng university. It's driving me crazy, EU will welcome them specially.

"I'll join the run, Ate Ava. After the programs, right?" Abe asked. Inobserbahan ko muna siya atsaka tumango.

"It's a five kilometer run." he also nodded before wearing his headphones. Wala lang sakaniya dahil athletic naman siya.

Napatingin ako kina mom at dad nang lumabas na sila ng bahay. They're both wearing formal, as usual. Pero balita ko ay sasali rin si daddy sa run mamaya. "Okay ka na ba, Ava? Let's go?" I nodded slowly at mommy. Ngumiti siya at pumasok na sa front seat ng SUV. Dad will drive.

Pumasok na rin kami ni Abe sa loob. Pareho kaming walang imik habang nag-uusap sina mommy tungkol sa charity. I don't know how much is the donation that they settled with EU. Ang nagmamay-ari sa university namin ay kilala ring businessman na sobrang dami nang recognitions at achievements sa iba't-bang bansa.

I can't help but to think that they're already building a secret partnership. Considering the success of the foundation that the Rowne family has been working with the past years. Bukas na nga ang party para 'ron.

I keep on fidgeting at my seat. Hindi talaga ako mapalagay, sobra akong kinakabahan. Akala ko ay magiging maayos na ako ngayong umaga dahil gumaan ang pakiramdam ko noong nakilala at naka-usap ko si Ate Kenzie kagabi.

I'm absolutely wrong. Noong last time na napalibutan ako ng sobrang daming tao sa concert ng Ludic Selcouth, nagkaroon ako ng panic attack.

We will be performing on the open field at the heart of EU. Not on the enclosed space of gym or theater hall. That thought should atleast lessen the anxiety inside me, but it's not helping at all. Alam ko kasing mapupuno ang EU mamaya kaya sobrang daming tao rin ang makikita ko.

"Are you okay, Ava?" lumingon sakin si mommy kaya ipinirmi ko ang sarili at pilit na ngumiti. She stared at me for seconds.

"Do you want us to call your psychiatrist first?" mabilis akong umiling at nag-iwas ng tingin. I have a psychiatrist here in the Philippines, but we don't meet. Minsan ay nag-uusap kami through video call, I just don't want to go on a physical session anymore. I'm not as worse as before.

"No, I can handle this."

"Ava, don't force yourself if you can't perform yet." dad said. Ibinaba na rin ni Abe ang headphones niya at nag-aalalang tumingin sakin.

"I can do this. I'm going to do the thing that I love, I'm not forcing myself." natahimik sila pero kita ko pa rin ang pag-aalangan sa mata ni mommy. Sa huli ay bumuntong hininga nalang siya at tumango.

Kahit may takot sa loob ko ay pinili ko pa ring tumuloy. Isa lang ang nasa isip ko, hangga't wala akong naririnig na masasamang salita tungkol sakin, hindi naman siguro ako magkakaron ng malalang panic attack.

Kinaya ko na noong audition, I'm sure I can do it again.

The program started. Mom and dad was introduced as one of the biggest donator of funds for the charity. Ang nakakagulat pa ay may mga Holeary din dito. Sa tingin ko nga ay magulang iyon ni Paesyn, I saw them talking with Pyre Adam (Paesyn's younger brother) a while ago.