Ludic Selcouth #3: Dancing Keys

Key #23

I was walking back and forth inside my bedroom while thinking deeply. What will I dance? How will I face those people? What if I messed up? What if I receive the same mortification just like before? These thoughts are driving me crazy.

Napa-upo ako sa kama at tumitig sa speaker na nasa itaas ng couch ko. I don't have the heart to dance anymore, why do I need to get stuck on this situation?

The audition will be tomorrow, that means I need to perfect the dance today. The Color Run will be on friday, and our family has a party to attend on saturday night. Bakit ang daming ganap this week?

Malalim akong huminga at muling tumayo. I reached for my phone slowly and connected it on the bluetooth speaker. I was biting my lip when I tried to find dance covers that I can practice. Pang-audition lang naman, hindi ko naman siguro kailangang mag-effort pa nang todo?

Nang makahanap ako ng pasok sa genre na sinasayaw ko dati ay pinanuod ko muna 'yon nang ilang beses. When I think that I can already copy it, I stood infront of my body mirror and stared at myself.

I tied my hair and briefly closed my eyes. Kaya kong kumabisado ng dance steps kahit ilang minuto lang. This is just a three minutes dance, I can do this.

My hands are slightly trembling when I play the music. I was controlling myself at first, it feels weird to dance now. Halos hindi ako gumalaw pero habang tumatagal ay parang iyong katawan ko na mismo yung sumasabay don sa tugtog. My mind suddenly went blank and all I can do is to move and sway my body while staring at the mirror.

Hindi ko namamalayan na napapatagal na ako dahil pinapaulit-ulit ko na 'yong kanta. Halos dalawampung minuto lang ay nasasayaw ko na 'yon nang maayos. I was already sweating because the dance has too much big movements. Titigil na rin sana ako nang biglang may kumatok at binuksan din agad ang pinto.

Natigil si daddy sa may pintuan at tinitigan ako. I panicked and immediately turned off the speaker. "D-dad.." kabado ako nang itago ko ang speaker sa likuran ko at tumingin sakaniya.

He stared at me for how many seconds until he suddenly smiled a little. "I didn't know that you were dancing, I'm sorry. Continue, just go downstairs if you feel hungry." aniya at isasara na sana ulit ang pinto pero agad ko siyang pinigilan.

"Aren't.. aren't you mad?" he stopped and shook his head.

"Your dad already learnt his lesson, sweetheart. There's nothing to be mad about, your mom and I weren't thinking right when we tried to interfere with your dancing. Go ahead, continue. Bababa na ako." hindi na ako nakapagsalita nang tuluyan niyang isarado ang pinto.

I just frozed on my spot for a minute until I felt my eyes watering. Talaga bang hindi na nila ako pinagbabawalan? Talaga bang naiintindihan na nila ako?

Napatingin ako sa hawak na speaker at tuluyan nang naiyak. I'm being emotional all because of this. I just can't believe that dad will say that. Nagbago na nga ata talaga sila...

Parang biglang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko dahil don. Because of that, I chose to continue dancing. I was pouring all the energy that I have in exchange of those long months that I didn't dare to dance just to please mom and dad.

Pagod na ako nang matapos. I'm sweating so bad and I just dropped on the carpeted floor and chuckled. This feels nice.

My phone started ringing when I removed my sweaty tank top. Nang tingnan ko kung sinong tumatawag ay agad na nanlamig ang kamay ko. Tumatawag nanaman si Paesyn Holeary.

"Hey, love. How's your day?" agad na bungad niya. I rested my other arm on the bed because I'm still sitting on the floor, facing the bed.

"Hey. It's fine, I guess. How about you? Why did you call?" I'm on a good mood right now and my voice is surprisingly calm and soft. I want to hit myself, baka mamaya isipin ni Paesyn nagpapacute ako sakaniya dahil sa boses ko.